Kids

Happy Wednesday! I was stuck on what to write about today, but since I won't be working tomorrow (I'm going to Disneyland!), I thought I'd write about kids. More specifically, I have stories about some odd parents that found it ok to bring their kids into a sex shop. Normally, I understand that mommys' have limited "me-time" with a newborn, so when they come in with an infant asleep on their shoulder, I let it slide. However, these kids were closer to an age where boob sucking takes on a whole new reason than nutrition.

• The first time I encountered this issue was the most uncomfortable for me. I didn't know what the policy on children was, but I knew it was awkward. Because I was unsure about policies on turning customers away, I allowed a young married couple with a 3 year old come in to the store to find the perfect toy for them. At first the little boy was asleep, but soon enough he was awake, draped over his dad's shoulder while his mother chose the perfect rabbit vibrator. Once the child woke up I thought the parents would hurry their shopping up so they could leave without him seeing anything. Nope. They shopped for a good 20 minutes more. They came for a rabbit and a rabbit was what they were going to get, dammit.
• Another incident I inexplicably let slide was a couple months after that. Three women came in while they waited to be seated at the restaurant next door. They came in with two babies around 1-2 years old, two 3-4 year old toddlers, and a 7 year old boy. These kids were all walking around playing and giggling at all the "funny toys". Eventually, once they all went into the toy room, I had to kick them out. I wasn't about to have some kids play sword fight with dual-headed dildos.
• More recently, after I was promoted to manager and well-aware of our NO-minor policy, I was very keen about informing my employees about being strict about it as well. Now this didn't happen to me, I was told this by one of my girls. Apparently a very attractive woman came in with her husband and five year old daughter to look for some new toys. After my employee informed her of our policy, the lovely customer proceeded to let my employee know that she was a porn actress and that her daughter had seen a lot worse than what this store had to offer. "Even so", as either Ariana or Tatiana put it, she was still going to have to leave. The actress left, but not without letting us know what she thought about our policy. I guess you can't win them all.

So please mommys and daddys, I really do understand that you need time to yourselves to rekindle that love; I would love to help you find the remedy for any lack of sex, but please, leave the kids at home.

New Beginnings

Good Morning! I hope you all had a safe and fun New Year's Eve. In honor of the new year, I have three customers that prove that it's never to late to start afresh and explore different areas of your sexuality.

1. One of the first customers I encountered interested in buying a Fleshlight was a 70 year old man who, honestly, looked like he lived around the beach for too long. His wife had died a few years back and now he was looking for a new companion. Since Fleshlights are quite the investment, he was determined to make sure he chose the right one. We have a "sample" stand that demonstrates the different internal textures and varieties we offer, so I had to stand there and watch this old man finger 5 different pocket pussies approvingly. I guess just because you get older doesn't mean you can't be picky.
2. One customer I learned a lot from was a 50-something year old woman coming in to buy something to make her feel young again. She decided on a shiny pair of Ben Wa Balls. For those of you who do not know what Ben Wa balls are, they are small weighted balls that are inserted in a vagina for Kegel exercises to strengthen and tighten. They can also be used during sex or for masturbating, and yes they are the ones from Fifty Shades of Grey. However, I did not know this when I first started working here, but this woman was kind enough to explain to me exactly what they did and their benefits. You are never too young to learn and never too old to be kinky.
3. Another learning experience I had was with an older couple in their 60s who came in to try something new. From what they told me, they had done everyone and everything there was to try. They needed some new toys so they decided, why not try glass and metal? They taught me all about the advantages of glass over metal and vice versa. They eventually bought a stainless steel butt plug, a stainless steel cock ring, and a glass baby fist dildo (You think I'm kidding? It actually looks like a baby's fist!). 

So there you have it, you are never too old to try new things within or outside your sex life, just be careful with those hips!

An example of Ben Wa balls:

Btw, I found these on an Etsy page. Good to know vaginal rejuvenation is now sell-able on a craft website.

Baby fist dildos

Ridiculous conversations

Happy New Year everyone!

A woman in her 40s just came in to purchase a jet black realistic vibrator with testicles. As I mentioned before, we have to test any battery operated toys to make sure they work. Now, just because I work at a sex shop doesn't mean I don't have to make small talk with the customers at the register. So while I am groping this silicone dildo to put batteries in it and check its speeds, this woman and I were talking about our plans for tonight, if we are spending it with family or friends and how nice the day is.

So in the spirit of bizarre situation-conversations with customers, I have made a list of ridiculous things we say daily and often to our customers. And yes, these are always said with a straight face:

• "Do you need lubricant or cleaner today?"
• "Just so you know, this can not be inserted anally"
• "No, we do not accept any returns on toys"
• "I'm sorry, we don't have anything that vibrates stronger than that"
• "Our porn is not categorized by actress or title, but I can help you look for something"
• "If you are looking for something to insert anally, always look for something with a flared base"
• "Sorry, kids are not allowed in here"
• "Yes, we do give stripper discounts"

Fetish Friday: Balloons

Hi Everyone! Second post for today. Happy Fetish Friday, and do I have a treat for you! I first learned about this fetish watching United States of Tara where Kate, Tara's daughter, does it to earn a Vespa. Today, one of my employees, Michelle, suggested I write about it after she had a customer come in and ask for balloon porn. So here goes:

Today's Fetish: Balloons

So balloon fetishists, or "looners" as they call themselves, are people who are aroused from balloons and their interactions. Looners are divided into four categories: 

• Poppers: These enthusiasts get their kicks from the act of popping balloons, either themselves or watching someone doing it. These looners have been associated with BDSM since they recieve pleasure in "torturing" or "hurting" these balloons and associate popping with orgasms.
• Non-Poppers: Non-poppers are the complete opposite. They anthropomorphize these objects and feel emotionally attached to them. They get pleasure from blowing the balloons up or playing with them, and in many cases, non-poppers have a phobia of balloons. To them, popping a balloon symbolizes death.
• Semi-Poppers: As the name says, these are right in the middle. Although they feel discomfort at popping a balloon, they receive an adrenaline rush pushing the boundries.
• Bubblegum Looners: Some looners prefer bubblegum balloons over latex ones. These fetishists do not categorize themselves as poppers or non-poppers because bubblegum balloons can be regenerated into new balloons. They can be aroused by blowing the balloon themselves, or watching someone else blow up the bubblegum balloon.

Balloon fetishists are each as unique as kinky balloon-popping snowflakes; when it comes to their subjects, tastes can vary between size, color, and shapes. I think this is an awesome fetish, and sad it isn't more well known. If you'd like to know more, I attached links and pictures below.

Now go get your kink on!

An example of "popper" porn

and some links!

BalloonFetish.org

Melly Loon!

Free White Wine

Good Morning! Sorry about missing out on yesterday, what with the holidays, I was feeling lazy. So, I will make up for it with two posts! Now I'm back and with it I have some white wine. One of my regular customers, who comes in to buy DVDs in bulk brought me some (don't worry, I checked. It was properly sealed). This guy is so funny. He is an older gentleman, probably in his 40s or 50s and is Mexican so greatly appreciates the fact that I speak Spanish. He always brings in presents whenever he comes, ranging from Mcdonald's to Swiss strawberry chocolate, and now white wine.

And since it is the season of excess, and this customer is included in this list, I will tell you about three other customers who have come in to buy excessively.

1. So besides this last customer (we'll name him Señor DVDs), I had another customer who used to come in all the time for the latest releases. Every time he came in, he would buy at least 25 movies. Back then I thought that was insane, now, I realize, it was kid's play.
2. Another regular we lost was an older woman, maybe in her early 50s, who loved to buy Whip-its. One weekend, she came in Friday, Saturday and Sunday and bought 50 Whip-its a day. I didn't know you could use 50 Whip-its in a week, let a alone a day! After that, I knew exactly what brand, price, and size she wanted when she came in.
3. Finally, a man who referred to himself as Mr. TMI came in for the holidays to do some last minute shopping. This man was so nice and a bit insecure about himself, but he definitely lived up to his name. His wife had recently left him for his best friend, so he decided to do a 180. He quit his job at a company he started to work a part time job, moved into the neighborhood my store is in, and started seeing a former flame from his high school days. So as Christmas came along, so did he. He walked around the store telling me his story and piling the counter with presents for his kids (we also are a novelty store), himself and his lady friend. Total amount for 5 people? $650