Inexperienced Customers

Hello, everyone! It's Monday once more, which means we have to wait 4 more days for Memorial Day weekend. Does anyone have any fun plans?

I can't believe it's been over a year now that I've worked here. I remember when I first started I had never used a toy before. Honestly, I was a little intimidated to use them, but look at how much you can change and learn in a year. I like working at a sex shop because I can use my knowledge to help out other people who are too embarrassed to ask about certain things. I enjoy removing any taboos surrounding sex and helping people realize that it's ok to like what they like. I've been fortunate to become someone that my friends feel comfortable to come with questions, but it's also wonderful to aid wary stranger who come into the shop. So, here are some of my favorite customers I've been able to help out:

• I was working here for about a month and a half when I finally met some customers who were less experienced than I was. Three girls about 18-19 years old came in looking for their very first vibrators. They knew absolutely nothing and needed some major help. Luckily, at this point I had read up on vibrators, so I had plenty of knowledge. I went through and explained every different type of toy we had, how to use them, what lube to use, how to clean and maintain them, what it would feel like, and how to avoid allergic reactions. Overall, I think I spent 30-45 minutes making sure they found just what they needed. They left pretty happy, but I'm not sure if it was because of the service or because they were about to get off to a pink vibrating dong.
• A couple months later, I was able to help another virgin customer, this time a guy. Being over 18 and never having had sex made him tired of waiting around. He wanted a pussy, and he wanted it now. Seeing as I don't sell escorts, I offered him the next best thing, a pocket pussy. When I showed him our selection, I thought the poor kid's head was going to explode from all the options: Cyber Snatch, Milf Stroke-her, Cumfy Clam, Tuna Taco, Bumpy Bitch, Lasagna Lips, Tender Twat, Tunnel of Love, Virgin Snatch, or Flip a Sista Over. Once he decided on the Virgin Snatch (looking for a kindred spirit genital, perhaps?), I taught him all the proper tips for care and use. It may sound twisted, but I thought it was adorable that he knew nothing about masturbators.
• This next customer was not a virgin, but just as inexperienced when it came to toys. He and his wife had just had a baby, and were lacking intimacy because of their schedules. He came in looking for something that would spice up the bedroom and potentially bring rekindle their marriage. He was too embarrassed to talk to his wife beforehand, but thought that bringing a toy home would open their communication. After hearing his situation, I gladly helped this new dad find what many men are either too ignorant/macho/scared to ask for: anal toys. This was another shopping session that I spent about 30-45 minutes explaining different toys, their cares and uses. He was lovely and though very shy at first, eventually able to speak freely about what he wanted, unabashed. After I helped him choose the right toy, I wished him and his wife the best. A month later, he came in again, looking for more toys, and said that they were able to talk things out and were open to try out more things together. One of my favorite customers for sure.
• Finally, this last customer was pretty recent. Virgin customers are pretty few and far between, but when they come in, they are always fun to help out. This girl was a shy, over-weight, gamer girl who was not lucky in the relationship department. She preferred to look around without any help, so I let her do her thing. When she came up to the register, she bought a small, candy-themed vibrator, all the while cracking little jokes and being quite funny about her situation. "Of course the fat girl would choose a chocolate vibrator". The meeting wasn't super memorable, but I enjoyed her sense of humor and liked her enough to put her on this list.

As much as I love helping out my customers, hopefully I've been able to help or teach you guys a few things too. I started this blog with the intention to vent and tell NSF(your)W stories, but I'll be happy if you've learned a few things along the way.

See you tomorrow for Toy Tuesday!

Fetish Friday: Dacryphilia

This past month has been pretty emotionally exhausting, with a lot of tears shed along the way. Thankfully, there's change coming around the corner, and although I struggle with change sometimes, it always brings good things. Today's fetish will be for those who get off to misery, or rather what accompanies misery.

Today's Fetish: Dacryphilia

Dacryphilia is the sexual attraction toward tears and the strong emotions that elicits these tears, such as anger, fear, sadness, or despair.

From what I could find, there are three ways dacryphiles get off:

1. Sadistic dacryphiles: Mainly found in the BDSM community, these doms enjoy provoking their submissives to tears. They use pain, restrictions, servitude and/or humiliation to evoke these strong emotions.
2. Voyeuristic dacryphiles: Voyeur dacryphiles are more passive as they do not enjoy being the ones to make their subjects cry. They will sometimes join in on dom/sub sessions to enjoy criers.
3. Criers: These last dacryphiles do not derive pleasure from seeing others cry; they are aroused by the act of crying themselves. They see crying as cathartic, liberating, and ultimately, erotic.

But dacryphiles aren't all sadistic, many fetishists are aroused by a sense of need. According to Dr. Mark Griffiths' blog, a dacryphile had this to say about it:

"I definitely have dacryphilia. I get extremely turned on physically and emotionally by crying women. When I see a woman crying, I want to hold and soothe her, make her feel safe and comforted. For that reason I tend to date needy women. I enjoy their vulnerability because of sympathy, not sadism. I also enjoy making them feel better."

As you can see, not all dacryphiles are jerks, just look at Cry Baby. Johnny Depp and his girlfriend were dacryphiles, and nothing that Johnny Depp does could be that horrible, now could it? So go home, pop in The Notebook, listen to some Barcelona, and get freaky. Now, go get your kink on!

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Awkward comments

Hi guys! So I finally have internet installed at my house, so I can blog from the comfort of my home :)

I was looking through, and I noticed that I haven't done a "list" post in a while. So here are 5 awkward, or weird, things customers have said (or not said) while in the shop:

1. After I told a customer we don't lend out our bathroom to customers, he gave me his interpretation of our reasoning: "That makes sense. I bet people jack off in the bathroom if you let them use it".
2. An exchange between myself and a customer accompanied by his girlfriend: "Can I help you find anything?" "Nah, I just want to show her the Japanese vagina". He then sprinted to the back and emerged defeated. Unfortunately, we were all out of "Japanese vaginas".
3. This one isn't so much about what they say, as it is what they don't: "Did you find everything ok?" ".............yup...". This one is popular among DVD and vibrator shoppers, mostly.
4. After my boss took home some erection pills to try out, he texted me this: "Holy Hell!! Let's just say those stiff night pills WORK!!!!!"
5. And to round things out, here's another bathroom quote by a very nervous Mexican: "Do you have a bathroom? I have to take a shit."

See that? We came full circle. And he didn't need to jack off.

Off the clock

Oh, my sweet Jesus. I just received a wrong number who mistook me for his friend, Terry. When I asked who it was, he said, "It's your foot massager". When I corrected his mistake, he asked if I had nice feet, and if  my boyfriend massaged them, because he wanted to. I tried to fend him off with various comments, but I think everything I said intrigued him all that much more. Finally, I just had to thank him for his time and hang up.
How do these people find me? I don't even have to be on the clock for them to find me. According to Ariana, "That's what [I] get for being a vixen." Too bad, he had a cute voice.

Ridiculous.

Weirdos

Hello, everyone! Another week, another paycheck. As you may or may not have realized by now, I normally don't work weekends, but since summer hours are changing, so are mine. I now work Sunday opening shifts; but don't worry, I'll keep posting every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Anyway, I opened yesterday and since I haven't worked a weekend day in a long time, I forgot how the real weirdos reserve their Sunday's for their weekly sexpeditions. I had the pleasure of encountering four of these creatures back to back.

1. To start my morning off, I had some guy in his late 30s come in and head straight for the DVD room. He spent, no joke, an entire hour voraciously looking through our porn collection; picking up movies, reading the plot summaries, putting boxes back, comparing prices, and contemplating actresses. I've haven't seen someone consider their options that much since Amanda Bynes decided between being crazy, or being crazy and haggard. Eventually, he made up his mind and finally emerged victorious with four DVDs. He came to the register with a pink jelly cyber snatch pocket pussy and movies including MILFs and hairy women. To top it off: After he paid for his goodies, he wished me a Happy Mother's Day and just walked out the door to jack it to some mommies of his own.
2. Shortly after, a dirty-ish looking youth came in looking for nothing specific, so I couldn't decide if he was homeless or not. I let him roam around the store for a bit and just followed his activity on our security cameras. The first thing he did was go straight to the lingerie section. As he sorted through everything, he giggled to himself and rocked out to Justin Timberlake's "Suit and Tie". Then, he proceeded to the bondage section to giggle and fondle boxes some more, followed by the shoe section. Here he took a little more interest, as he looked at sizes and styles, holding them up so he could examine them closely. Slowly, he made his way into the DVD room, where he really rocked out to J. Timberlake and "Teach me how to Dougie". He was moving around to the rhythm, bopping his head, and lingered on the bondage and teen sections. Sufficiently pleased with his trip to the sex shop, he casually walked out in his black t-shirt emblazoned with a bald eagle wearing an American flag shirt and straddling a motorcycle. 'Merica
3. A little later in the afternoon, a short, brown, foreign man in his 40s came in looking for a Mother's Day present. I totally believed he was gay, so I thought it was a bit creepy he was shopping here. It wasn't until I realized he was "straight" that I helped him look for presents for his wife. However, when I asked him what he was looking for, all he said was, "I don't know". I pressed a bit for details as to what direction he wanted to go or what she would be interested in and all I got was, "I don't know". I showed him our vibrators to see if maybe that would inspire them, but he just told me she already had all of them. All of them. Ok. So I suggested lingerie as a nice present for both of them, but when I asked what her size was and what kind of styles they liked, you guessed it, "I don't know". We tried bondage. "Here are some of our restraints. This package comes with a heart shaped pillow and paddle, restraints and a blindfold. Would your wife like this?" "I don't know...I don't know"....."Ok. What would like to see then?" "I don't know, you tell me". Ohmygod. I wanted to strangle him. I suggested a few other things but it was either no or he didn't know. Finally, I gave up and went back to the register so he could look through things. As he was leaving, I apologized for not being able to help him find anything. He responded with, "You should [be]". Fuck you mini-man!
4. Finally, to top my day off, a cowboy came in looking for underwear. He didn't specify for who it was, he just said he needed some underwear. He was pretty secretive about the details but said he was hanging out next door and needed it. Eventually, I got him to tell me if it was for a girl or guy, and after showing him prices, he told me what they were for...kind of. He just said he needed some comfortable underwear for a girl that worked next door who had forgotten to put her panties on. It didn't matter what they looked like as long as they were comfortable. I asked him if they were going to be seen and his response was, "Not yet". I showed him some cotton briefs with corny sayings on the back like "Hot as Fuck", "Spank me", and "Hot Ass". Despite the fact that the style didn't matter, it took him long enough to finally decide on "It's not going to lick itself". Classy.

Update: #2 just walked into the store again wearing the same exact shirt as yesterday, and a little coked out. I would like to correct my earlier mistake, the bald eagle was not wearing an American flag shirt; it was a leather jacket and an American flag helmet. My bad. Sorry.