New suprises and upgrades!

Hello my fellow kinksters and sex enthusiasts!

I know, I know. I've gotten so bad at diligently posting, but I promise there is a legitimate reason for this. Thank you guys for following this blog for so many years, and if you're new to the party, welcome!

I don't want to give anything away, but there are some changes coming to the blog that I will share with you as soon as I can! Stay tuned and I'll see you soon(ish?)

A
xoxox

UPDATE: You can now continue to read about my shenanigans on my new website! See you there ;)

Fetish Friday: Sploshing

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Pick Up Lines

"Call me Fred Flinstone, because I can make your Bed Rock"

"We can get married tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight"

"Are you a traffic ticket? 'Cause you got FINE written all over you!"

"What's your sign?"

Pick lines are uncomfortable in a normal setting. They are twice as weird in a sex shop. Being a female working at one, I tend to get hit on a lot by men who think that my job makes me more open to sleep with them. A very popular myth, among others. And before you assume this is a post meant to boost my ego: I'm not saying that I'm so hot that guys are just falling over themselves to talk to me; I'm saying I could be a four legged woman, with a third eye, but if I had a nice pair of tits and I was behind the counter, I would still get hit on. It's the appeal of a woman, any woman, in a sex shop. Here are some of the most awkward encounters I've had with my store's wannabe Lotharios:

• "You are very attractive. You look like one of the girls in these movies." (Points to TV playing porn by register)
• "Are you a pornstar?" (Different guy. Maybe they're trying to tell me something, guys)
• "You are too pretty to be working at a place like this."
• "What's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?"
• "Soooo, you new here?"
• "Store looks nice. Mmm...(looks me up and down) you look nice too (NO)
• "How you doin'?'" "Fine." "You lookin' fine."
• "Are those real?" (That one actually set me off, but that's a story for another day)
• "Do you need a new master?" (Nope, all set, thank you)
• "Are you a freak? "Do you like sex?" (Hate it. My whole purpose for working here is to infiltrate and get people to stop having sex)
• "You fly as fuck. What your name is?"
• "Can I have your number?" "No." "Why?" "I have a boyfriend." "We can just be friends." "I have enough friends."
• "How's your day been?" "Long." "That's what's up." "...Ok"
• "Have a beautiful day. Stay beautiful yourself." (There's actually nothing wrong with that one, but just no thank you)
• "What's your name?" "Annette" "You're awesome, mind if I come back looking for you?" "That's a little weird, so no, but you can come back as a customer any time." "Can I just get your number then?" "No."
• "If I went back there (to the arcade), I'd probably jack off just knowing you're out here." (THEN DO IT IN SILENCE. Don't tell me about it!)

So next time a guy comes up to you and gives you some cheesy pick up line (Like my sweater? It's made from boyfriend material), remember it could always be worse. You could have some horny, undersexed guy come in and declare that you have been inducted into his special spank bank...although I've had that happen at a bar too. Dammit.

Toy Tuesday Review: Pipedream Double Trouble

Hello, lovers! I have just come out of a stage of post-coital bliss to write a new review for you guys.

Today's Review: Pipedream's Fetish Fantasy Series Double Trouble

Fan-fucking-tastic. Very well made product perfect for the couple that wants to add a little more, without adding the extra person.

Difficulty to use:
With two cock rings meant to go over your guy's shaft and testicles, it's a pretty simple design. It's a tight fit though, so make sure you use some water based lubricant to slide it on a little easier. I gave it a three star review, only because it might be tricky for anyone who has never used a cock ring before. On more right and wrong ways to apply cock ring type products, here's a helpful post :)

Versatility:
The toy is pretty straightforward, but depending on your positioning and toy placement (above or below his shaft) you can either have his penis anally and the toy vaginally, or the other way around. I recommend wearing the toy as suggested on the box for better results.

My Rating:
I'll let you know, because I'm still new to anal play, I was saving this for a rainy day; partly because I was saving the treat for the right time, and partly because I was a little nervous. My boyfriend and I started things slow by having him insert my plug first, and then having sex with it in. Once we got things going, I was ready to try this thing out. It was fucking mind blowing. He was in me vaginally, while the toy went in anally. I will admit it was a little overwhelming at certain points, the sensation is very intense. I wouldn't recommend this toy to anyone that has never tried anal before, unless you're a "go big or go home" kind of gal. It's a lot of stimulation at the same time, but if you stay relaxed and enjoy it, it's amazing. A little invasive at first, once you get into things, it's so worth it. By the time we both came, I was left speechless. What I like about anal is feeling a full sensation, and this product definitely delivers. If you're looking for dual stimulation, you have to try this toy out.
It's made from thermoplastic rubber, meaning it's porous and you can't boil it to sanitize, so I recommend using a condom over it to make clean up a cinch.

His Rating:
In terms of fit, it wasn't hard to put on, and the cock ring was comfortable. He liked that it wasn't so thick as to intimidate me, and loved the reaction he got from me when using it.

Here's a shot of the toys we used to maximize the experience. It made things a lot easier. Make sure to have lots of lube handy as well!

For more updates on Pipedream's toys, visit their blog, Facebook page, and Twitter.

Fetish Friday: Sitophilia

Hi everyone! Earlier today I was talking on the phone with my mom and somehow the subject of fetishes came up, and their diversities. I kept bringing up made up fetishes that involved food, which inspired today's Fetish Friday. What could possibly be better than sex and food? As it happens, fucking and eating are my favorite activities, and I know I'm not secluded in this. So here's a little info on those efficient lovers who have perfectly combined stomach cravings and boot knocking.

Today's Fetish: Sitophilia

Sitophilia is a form of food play. This fetish includes a few subcategories and adjacent branches. The main characteristics of this paraphilia is that it uses food either to enhance a sexual experience, whether ingested, poured/placed on the body, or used as a masturbatory aid.

When talking about food going inside you (the standard way), sitophiles may be aroused by the act of eating or the food itself. Some like to indulge in their fantasies by frequenting food hot spots like buffets, just as this guy explains. Other's use the actual food to pleasure themselves, something that was made easier by this invention:

In case you wanted to add a little more authenticity to your cucumbers and zucchinis

As I mentioned before, there is a range of specific subcategories to sitophilia. I'm not kidding when I tell you there are plenty to satisfy your sexual appetite:

• Figging: Commonly refers to anal play with ginger roots, many consider vaginal and urethra play as well.
• Nyotaimori & Nantaimori: Originated in Japan, it involves eating sushi off another person's body.
• Lactophilia: Breast milk fetish.
• Vorarephilia: While not really a subgenre of sitophilia or a type of food play, this fetish involves eating people, so that has to count for something, right?
• Sploshing: A kind of messy fetish that can include syrups, whipped cream, custard, chocolate, among other wet substances.
• Feederism: The attraction to overweight people and the impulse to feed them for sexual gratification.
• Wakamezake & Body Shots: You may think you like body shots, but these fetishists REALLY like them.

The nice thing about sitophilia that I've learned, is that it offers a lot of variety, and it's pretty convenient, seeing that you have everything you need at your local grocery store. Because it's so easily incorporated into "standard mainstream" sex, it's not seen as taboo in its most basic state. Not to mention, advertising companies have used the food/sex angle for years. Here are a few examples of food play in mainstream media.

Film:

• 9 1/2 Weeks: There is a scene where Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke get freaky with the contents of a fridge.
• Sex & The City: As a Valentine's Day idea, Samantha rolls her own sushi and places it on her body to surprise Smith. Unfortunately, he stands her up, so we never get to actually see them eat it. It's the thought that counts, and it earns a place on this list.
• American Pie: You all know what scene I'm talking about, knock it off.

TV:

• Seinfeld: George gets involved with a woman and begins to experiment with food in the ninth season
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Likewise, Frank and Artemis are always finding some new creative way to use their perishables.
• Peta's 2009 Superbowl Commercial
• An array of Carl's Jr. ads are all about food love

Literature:

• Portnoy's Complaint: The titular character uses both an apple and a steak to pleasure himself.

Personally, I've never used any food in my love making, but I am not opposed to trying it out. Although, I'm pretty sure my version of sitophilia would probably consist of me eating an entire pizza while being bent over the coffee table...actually, that sounds pretty fucking awesome. Looks like I know what I'm doing this weekend! Now, excuse me while I go place a Domino's order. Meanwhile, all you snatch snackers and food fornicators, go get your freak on!

^Cause, fuck it, why not?

And if that's not enough, here's some porn.