Sex Shop Myths

Happy Thursday everyone! We're so close to the weekend!

Yesterday, although I didn't work at the sex shop, I did work downtown at my bar job. While socializing with one our customers, I mentioned my other job and suddenly his vibe towards me completely shifted. What is it about guys? As soon as they know that I work at a sex shop, they immediately assume that they're getting lucky. This is just one of the myths that my employees and I, and I'm sure many more female sex shop employees, have faced while working in this industry. So I've compiled a list of assumptions and myths about working in the sex shop industry. Sorry if I burst your bubbles.

If you girlfriend works here, she will become a freak.

I have to admit that working here has opened my mind to many new and varied sexual doors. Working at a sex shop, where you constantly help people pick out enhancements, you learn about so many toys and experiences that you soon become numb to it. Taboos are created by brushing a subject under the rug and denying healthy, open discussions about it. Because we are able to be so open about the subject, using toys we would normally be "scared" of doesn't seem like such a big deal, so we become more inclined to try new things. However, this doesn't automatically mean that if your girlfriend starts working at a sex shop she's going to start bringing home ergonomic sex swings and electric nipple clamps! Some girls that start working here already come in with a lot of sexploration experience, so new toys they try out may be a little kinkier. For other girls, stepping out of their boundaries mean trying out a cock ring or new, sexy lingerie. Sex shop workers do not always equal freaks, so don't be upset if she doesn't come home with a dual dong and a pair of Filipino twins right away.

Only sluts/strippers/prostitutes work at sex shops.

Although a great deal of strippers work at sex shops, it is not a requirement. Of course erotic dancers can benefit from working here, since they receive a discount on outfits and shoes. It is the same as someone with several dogs working at a pet hotel so they can receive discounts on daycare. However, because our industry involves sex, many customers believe that we are whores for working here. First of all, this is a retail job nothing more; we do not exchange sex for money, we do not meet with customers for paid liaisons. Just because we are selling somewhat irregular products, doesn't mean we're going to suck your dick in the back office. Secondly, just because we are open and comfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that we've been around the block and then some; it's our job! Please don't be rude because you may be insecure about our profession. Remember, we are here to help you. If you just come in for the laughs, don't be disrespectful to the workers. If a worker happens to be an stripper, she is still a person, someone with feelings and self-doubts. Even though some dancers do exchange sex for money, this doesn't allow you to dehumanize her. We don't give you shit for working at Subway or an office; return the favor.

We are hitting on your boyfriends.

We get this one a lot. Since we sell couple's aids, obviously, many couples come in to the shop. I understand that sometimes couples will resort to a sex shop if they are trying to work things out or simply to try new things. These couples, especially the women, are somewhat insecure and unsure of themselves when they come in, so they see us as a direct threat. Ladies, most women working in sex shops are in relationships, with our own insecurities and problems; we don't have time nor any interest in swooping in on your man. Again, sometimes female customers believe that we're super human freaks because we're around sex toys all day, and they project their insecurities onto us. You shouldn't be ashamed you're at a sex store. Be proud that you were mature and open enough in your relationship to come in and try new things. The only reason we are so open about the subject is to make you feel comfortable, not to impress your spouse/boyfriend.

Sex shop employees are horny all day.

This one is the funniest misconception about sex shop workers. If you work at a sandwich shop, you're not rushing to eat a sandwich afterwards, are you? If you work as a babysitter, are you dying to be with kids at the end of your day? Same goes for us. I wouldn't go so far as to say that we're turned off to sex during or at the end of a shift, but we grow accustomed to porn and toys, so it's not like we're dying for it afterwards either. Now, I imagine some women who work here have a voracious sexual appetite and do still manage to be turned on by the images at work, but I haven't met any. A perfect example of how numb we tend to get: I sort a lot of porn, a generous, copious amount of porn sometimes. During one such porn expedition, I was blasting Shania Twain (throwback anyone?) and eating while I sifted through images of girls being double fisted and getting pounded...I got nothing, not even a tingle. Honestly, after I go home, I'm happy to not see any penises for a couple hours.

We know how to help you get into the porn industry.

I had a young Mexican customer come in once asking me what the best way would be for him to break into the porn industry. He said he videotaped himself with some girls and had various samples if we were interested. He also asked if we would ever sell his videos here. I simply told him to contact any porn production company like Vivid Entertainment, because we did not sell home videos. This wasn't an isolated incident either; for some reason we get asked a lot if we know how they can get in to the porn industry. I understand that since we sell it, and we deal with the distributors, you would think that we knew a thing or two about breaking into the business. We don't. We're not agents, we don't know any directors, we don't have close relationships with the production companies; we just sell the stuff. I know as much as you do when it comes to breaking into that industry. We can't help manage your career, and no, we won't call the companies on your behalf. Use Google like everybody else.

All we think/talk about is sex.

Again, it's enough that we have to work here all day. We don't exactly take our work home with us, and if we do, it most likely won't be with you (if we're in relationships). How boring would we be if all we did was talk about sex? If you have questions about it, I'm more than happy to clear up any doubts you have, but it's not the only thing on my mind everyday.

Working at a sex shop means we must be into swinging/orgies/kinky sex.

What I wrote about us being freaks because we work here, also applies for this myth. Since you have to be pretty open minded to work in a sex shop, some employees are into that sort of thing, but it's not necessarily true for everyone. Many of us aren't into that, and although you may be thinking "Well, how do I know if I don't ask?", it's still creepy, don't do it. If you want to find people who are into group sex, go to a swingers' club. Chances are, if there are sex shop workers who are into that, they'll be there. You're welcome.

We are dying to have sex with you.

Boys, this needs to stop. Yes, we work with sex all day. Yes, we know many, if not all, the male "g-spots".  And, yes, we do know a few tricks, but if you're not our type, the shop's not going to help you become more appealing. Shocking, I know, but we don't just say yes to every penis that's thrown in our direction. We still have standards, and we still have the ability to say no, unless you decide to go the way of the Roofie.  I appreciate the courage it takes to ask someone out, but don't get all creepy and assume it's going to be easy just because I work here. I'm not saying you can't hit on us, just don't be a dick about it because of our jobs. I'll sell you an amazing product for your penis, but it doesn't mean I have to touch it. Oh, and one quick tip: Don't hit on us when you're buying some lingerie/vibrator for your girl or penis enlarging pills for yourself. That's like trying to pick girls up at Planned Parenthood ("OMG, we both have gonorrhea! We have so much in common. Let's go to dinner."). It's happened and yes, we'll laugh at you when you leave. Sorry.

We don't have lives/interests outside of the industry.

This is similar to all we think about is sex. Maybe it makes it easier for our customers to talk to us about such intimate details about their sex life if they believe that we don't exist outside of the shop, but it's not realistic. We're not magical sex fairies who only live in the crevices of seedy sex shops and come out only when you need a flogger. Most of us have lives and hobbies outside of these shops that have nothing to the sex industry. Even if you just look at the store I work at, you'll see how true this is. Tatiana and I have degrees in fashion design, Ariana is getting a degree for health and nutrition, Snowe interns as a lab assistant, and our newest girl, Cathryn, is going to school and works with me at the haunted trail during Halloween. Michelle had to leave because she just gave birth to her son, Liam, but her interests are involved in starting her new family.

So you can see, we're really not all that different. We don't all make love like porn stars, we're not nymphos, and we can't make you orgasm with telekinesis. We're not better than you because we talk about sex openly, but we're also not beneath you. We come and go, and this is just another job, albeit a very fun one. So maybe next time you talk to us, you'll connect your tongue to your brain and realize that we're not sluts or easy; we're just having fun working at a sex shop. I hope this helped clear up some myths and preconceptions about sex shop workers.

Next week, I'll write about my mom's visit to San Diego and her funny experiences visiting me at the shop. See you tomorrow for Fetish Friday!