Fetish Friday: Exophilia

Hell yes, Friday! Another day, another dollar. I'm really looking forward to this weekend, but not excited for this season of The Walking Dead to be over. :( Oh well! That just means we're that much closer to Comic-con. Anyone going?

Ok, back to Fetish Friday. A couple days ago, I [attempted to] watched The Fourth Kind, a movie starring Milla Jovovich. The film is a reenactment of alleged true events that took place in Nome, Alaska; possessions and alien abductions included (Turns out the disappearances were due to alcohol and the fact that they lived in fucking Nome, Alaska, so it tends to get a bit chilly. Sometimes drunkies freeze on their way home). After getting sufficiently freaked out, (Which btw, filmmakers, aliens are creepy enough. You don't need to bullshit me with a "Based on True Events" title at the beginning of the film. Why the lies? Huh? Why the lies?) I realized that there are three kinds of alien enthusiasts:

1. The kind that get freaked the fuck out by them (me), and love to watch them in cheap horror films.
2. The kind that believe they are higher beings than ourselves and should be venerated.
3. The kind that really, really, really just want to fuck them.

So you know where I'm going with this.

Today's Fetish: Exophilia

As you may have guessed, unless you're an idiot, or didn't read the paragraph above, exophilia is the sexual attraction of extraterrestrial beings. While there are people who get off from hideously deformed monsters or mythological creatures, exophiles prefer aliens that retain some human-like qualities.

As fan-boys everywhere know, this is a pretty popular fetish, and of course, I have several examples of sexy alien fucking in the mainstream:

• Probably the most popular exophile on this list is Captain Kirk. Kirk loved his pussy green, blue, and out of this world. He had about 2-5 alien lovers throughout the series, and loved every minute of it. Long and prosper, indeed.
• As for the most in demand extra-terrestrial twat in sci-fi history, that prize goes to The Fifth Element's, Leeloo. What nerd hasn't masturbated to that orange hair at least once? Yes, Milla's Leeloo was more of a confused foreign exchange student than alien, but it still counts; just ask any cosplay enthusiast.
• But if scales, tails and spikes are more your thing, look no further than 1995's Species. If you weren't an exophile yet, Silo should change your mind.
• As for weird, steamy sex scenes, I have to say, Splice takes the cake on that one. After an initial moral struggle, Adrien Brody breaks down and fucks his alien/hybrid, sort-of, daughter. So there's something for incest lovers to enjoy as well.

I could go on and on about hot aliens and crazy, kinky movie sex, but why do that when the internet has already done that for me? There are an obscene amount of "top lists" that count down all of the hottest extraterrestrials in film and television, not to mention, the steamiest sex scenes. Seriously. Tons.

Like any other good fetish, there are countless stories, books (not going to lie, I would totally read that one), blogs, forums, videos, and pictures. Also like any other good fetish, there are those who question their sexual preferences online.

So before you blast off into your gym shorts, I'll leave you with some of the items we carry for those kinky exophiles everywhere. Oh, and ladies, if you feel like you can't fulfill your nerd-boy's fantasies because of limited costume choices, think again. Now, go get your kink on!

Toys:

Porn:

Honestly, just look up Alien Porn.

You're welcome

Erotic Eric (Final Part)

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Toy Tuesday: G-Spot Vibrators

Hi Everyone! Another Tuesday, another Toy review! This time, Pipedream was nice enough to send me one of their toys, the Tangerine Dream, from their newest line, Juicy Jewels. So here we go.

Today's Toy: G-Spot Vibrators

G-spot vibrators were created for female internal use, to facilitate G-spot stimulation. For those of you who don't know, the G-spot is a bean shaped erogenous zone, located one to three inches inside the vagina on the bladder's side. Scientists theorize that it is an extension of the clitoris, which is why we manage to orgasm if it's hit just right. During sex, sometimes it can be a little difficult to reach the G-spot without resorting to awkward or complicated positions, and that's where the vibe comes in. It's tip is curved slightly to achieve stroking comfortably, and it's head is larger than the average penis head.

Meant for women, it can be enjoyed by men as well. Some find that the toy's curve is perfect for reaching the male "G-spot", also known as the prostate, or "P-spot". Due to the length of the vibrator, they are able to  grip it without any trouble.

Just like any other toy, there are various options when shopping for the right toy:

• Traditional: This is the basic model with a smooth shaft and curved tip.

• Tulip: Thinner at the base, the Tulip model has a bulbous tip that creates a feeling of fullness.

• Rabbit: The very popular Rabbit vibrator sometimes comes with a G-spot model that also stimulates the clitoris.

• Ribbed/Waved: This looks like the traditional style, but includes bumps, ridges, and other textures to enhance the sensation on the vaginal wall.

• Clit and/or Anal teaser: Similar to the Rabbit vibrator, this version is meant for triple stimulation and will regularly have three extensions.

• Interchangeable heads: Some manufacturers like to give the user choices between heads. Each head is interchangeable and varies in texture and/or size.

• Exotic: These are meant to deviate from the phallus shape completely. Some styles come in the form of fingers, rings, or novelty designs like Doc Johnson's [Alice in] Wonderland collection.

Thanks to their curved heads, G-spot vibrators are pretty easy to use and versatile when it comes to stimulation. You can use them on nipples, clit, anal glands, scrotum, and any other weird spots that get you off.

There is no wrong way to use a vibrator, however, if you are planning on using it anally, remember to find one with a flared base or a larger bottom battery pack. Stay away from slimmer models since those can get sucked up (swear to God).

See?? It's like a vortex.

Since they come in many different materials, there are numerous ways to clean and maintain them. Refer to my Vibrators' Maintenance Guide for more info.

Difficulty to use:

Seriously, anyone can use them. They are so simple to use. Just point and turn on.

Versatility:

It caters to both sexes and stimulates any part of the body, plus there are tons or models to choose from. Adam & Eve is a great online store with a vast amount of toys.

My Rating:

So my rating is based upon my experience with two G-spot vibrators: Pipedream's Le Reve Slimline G and their newest Tangerine Dream, but my review will be on the latter.

I don't generally cum through internal stimulation, I mostly orgasm through clit stimulation only, so I thought G-spot vibrators were wasted on me, but I just had to get more creative. When I first received Tangerine Dream, I thought "this will get no one off"; the vibrations felt pretty low and it looked tiny. Once I actually used it, I realized I was wrong. The turn knob at the bottom makes it super easy to control the speed, and the soft rubber head is rigid enough to feel full, but malleable enough to bend if needed to hit the right spots. Thankfully, it didn't have that weird smell that some rubber toys tend to get when they're cheap. The size was actually an advantage when it came to external use, and thankfully it's super quiet, something I need because I have a roommate (who happened to walk in downstairs right as I started to use it...buzzkill, anyone?).

Anyway, although I'm used to really high speed vibrations, this was still able to get me off, though I don't recommend it for seasoned users. I used it externally, because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get off internally. Unassuming and easy to use, this makes a great toy for any beginner. Plus, it was a cinch to clean up, just used warm water and soap.

Boyfriend's Rating:

My boyfriend and I used a G-spot vibrator a while back. It hits spots that vibrating cock rings sometimes miss. In his words, "It felt weird at first, but it made me cum so hard".

And to wrap up, here are some videos on how to find the G-spot: 1, 2, 3

Make sure to follow Pipedream on their blog, Facebook page, and Twitter for toy updates.

Facebook Posts

Hi everyone! How's your Monday going so far? Mine was going spectacularly until I read a spoiler for last night's The Walking Dead episode -___- but oh well. I'll live, I guess.

As you know, I created a Facebook page for the blog so I could keep you guys updated with any changes or new postings. I also started a group page for the employees so we could communicate easier. It was originally made to get shifts covered, discuss any issues, and inform each other of any schedule or meeting changes, but it's created some pretty funny threads about working here. We normally work alone, so anytime we have something interesting happen, we share it on the page. We all have enough stories to each have our own blog, so I thought I would share some of them here for you to enjoy :)

If you recall my post on funny bums, you'll remember #2, Ariana's #1 fan. Brace yourselves, he's in a few of these postings. The "sexy tan man with a plan".

 It's the little things

If you don't know what the PB reality show is, don't worry, no one else does, but this guy likes to think we all do.

 Don't act like you don't know him by now.

 Kind of similar to what that leprechaun did. He walked around holding the large pink plushie for a while.

Not even my employees are safe from Fetish Friday.

 Damn those Beat off Bandits!

As you can see, we're very busy here.

Fetish Friday: Frotteurism

For today's Fetish Friday I wanted to talk about people who love to call in and masturbate to unsuspecting parties, in honor of our Beat-off Bandits, but I couldn't find the proper name for it. I did find another fetish that does involve oblivious victims, and it's pretty common. So common that I'm pretty sure you've encountered it once or twice if you've ever ridden on public transportation or go out to a club.

Today's Fetish: Frotteurism

Frotteurism is the fetish of rubbing up on non-consensual people. Originally named frottage, the term comes from the French word frotter, which means to rub. The word was coined by Austro-German psychiatrist, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, in his 1886 study on sexual psychology, titled Psychopathia Sexualis. Presently, the term frottage is used for consensual rubbing, or as the kids call it, "dry humping".

The most common incidences of frotteurism involve men rubbing women with their erect penises and/or pelvises, but some cases show women on women, or men on men. There's no age limit on this thing either, since psychologists have also found this fetish among young children. Studies have shown that many frotteurs also indulge in other kinds of paraphilic behavior such as exhibitionism and voyeurism, and attribute this fetish to two theories:

1. Social Incompetence: Pretty much anyone who is extremely socially awkward, including people with severe shyness, mental retardation, or other psychological road blocks that impede forming normal human relationships.
2. Sex Drive: Some people just get so horny they can't control their sex drive and have to get off somehow.

Since frotteurs get off by bumping their uglies on people without them knowing, these silent sexual deviants can often be found in crowded places such as buses, trolleys, subways, and night clubs. Apparently it's so bad in Japan, where I imagine is the Mecca of crotch rubbing (so many schoolgirls to choose from!), that some subways offer women-only cars during certain rush hours. Unlike your typical douchebags trying to finger-fuck you on your way from the dance floor to the bar, frotteurs don't want you to know who they are, so they'll typically be pretty sneaky about how they touch you.

Just like any other fetish, you can find all sorts of pages dedicated to it, like videos, erotic literature, and blogs, although that last one is written from the P.O.V. of the victim. I will admit, this is the first fetish I've seen that requires a P.S.A. It's also the first one I've written about where the recipient is referred to as a victim, and I don't plan on writing anymore like them. I like writing about consensual fantasies, but this seemed interesting enough to share, and it's funny to read comedy sites spoof it.

As a bus rider myself (hopefully not for long), I've encountered these guys way too much. Technically they aren't hurting anyone, but the idea of them trying to put their man meat on my shoulder is enough to make a girl start jogging to work. So fellas, if you feel lonely enough that you have to rub up on a girl on her way to the grocery store, come visit me at work instead; I can get you a great deal on a pocket pussy or blow up doll. You can even take it on the bus and grind on it there; I'm sure she'll love it. Just leave the ladies alone, ok? Isn't it bad enough we're taking public transportation?

That wraps it up for Fetish Friday, so, go get your kink on? (please don't)

For some reason, the video didn't want to load, but here's the link.

I don't know what the hell is going on, but I typed "Frotteurism" and that's what I got.

You're welcome

Beat-off Bandits

Today's employee meeting was a revelation. As you know, my employees and I have been privy to some pretty unique individuals that call in to masturbate. There's been Jack off Jason, Erotic Eric (Parts 1-2, 3, and 4), Tati's silent creeper, and now two new members in the roster. Snowe received a call from an unknown, Latin-sounding older man, who we  ceremoniously named Randy Ramiro, and Cat has Beat off Billy.

We now have 5 phone perverts, and counting; I think we could start our own pervert hotline. Any takers? We'll tell you to beat it til your heart's content. We'll call you a pervert and act indignant at your atrocious masturbating. Our slogan can be "We work it, you jerk it!", and we'll charge $3 a minute. Sounds like a business plan to me.

There is one problem with our little band of wankers though, we don't know if Tati's unnamed caller, Cat's Billy, and my Eric are all the same person. They seem to fit the same description: in their early 30s, living in East County, very flattering and say similar things to each of us. If it is Eric being naughty, I'm dismayed at his philandering within our store, but amused at his audacity and multiple personas. The one thing that prevents us from fully pinning all the calls on Eric, is his M.O. He normally doesn't ask for Facebook pages, because in his words, "I'm not that creepy. If you want to show me your pictures you will. I'm not a stalker". However, Billy had no problem asking Cat for her Facebook page, so we're not sure. For right now it'll remain a mystery.

We're thinking of making a chart for the back office with stats, line graphs, and timelines for each pervert. Maybe we'll even make one of those walls detectives do when trying to weed out suspects, complete with images and strings connecting everyone. You just never know working here.

Erotic Eric, if you read this, call us. I've got some interrogating to do. Stay tuned.

Vibrators/Material Care

Happy Thursday everyone!! Sorry about my absence the past couple days, the store's been pretty hectic, but it seems like we're getting back to normal. As I've mentioned on the blog's Facebook page, I got my first toy from Pipedream Products to review. It's a compact, beginner-friendly G-spot vibrator from their new line, Juicy Jewels, and I'm excited to rate it for you guys. That's right. As Ariana put it, "Way to put one on one time with a dildo on blast". I do it for you, guys; it's all for you.

Now, you all know that for Toy Tuesday I try to be as specific as possible, especially with the variations of each toy. With female internal vibrators this might be a little difficult, because there are so many different types. So today, to make next week's review a little easier, I'm going to talk about the differences between vibrators and their care/maintenance.

• Slimline: This is the standard, smooth vibrator that slips right in. Sizes and thickness may vary, and some are made with bumps and ridges for additional sensations.

• G-spot: The G-spot vibrator looks just like a slimline vibrator but has the advantage of curving at the end, enabling you to hit your G-spot much easier. For the most part, these toys are smooth and do not have any added texture.

• Tulip G-spot: Similar to the basic G-spot, this vibrator is meant to hit the spot (pun intended). The difference, however, is while the G-spot is thicker throughout the shaft and tapers at the end, the tulip is thinner and its end is bulbous. This shape creates a feeling of fullness at the tip, and massages a wider area.

• Rabbit: I would say the Rabbit vibrator is by far the most in demand toy we have. These are not only great for internal stimulation, but they also have a base attachment meant for clit stimulation, often in the shape of a rabbit, hence the name. Rabbits gained popularity thanks to Sex and The City when one of the main characters admitted owning one. Rabbits are incredibly varied and can come with G-spot vibrators, moving beads, or triple stimulation.

• Realistic: For the woman who doesn't want to feel like she's fucking a piece of plastic, there is a solution. Realistic vibrators are made to look like the real thing, veins, testicles and all, because fucking a detached penis is way less creepy. Many are molded from actual penises, including porn stars'. So the next time you're masturbating, you could be riding Ron Jeremy's dick.

Aaaw yeah

Each vibrator is like a unique snowflake, including it's power settings. Many come with a turning knob at the bottom that enables you to choose your speed exactly to your liking, while others come with a button at the bottom, ranging from one to twelve speeds/pulsations. Your vibrator may be hands free or come with a remote attached; normally the remote-controlled vibrators pack a lot of power. It's not a proven science, but I've found that the bigger the batteries required for your toy, the stronger it vibrates.

When it comes to cleaning, material, not style, is what determines how you should care for each toy. This is true for any other toys made from these materials, including anal toys, clit vibrators, cock rings, pocket pussies, etc. I'll talk about the material themselves, not as vibrators, which is why you may see advice about non-battery operated toys.

• Silicone: Soft and lifelike, silicone is hypoallergenic and warms up to body heat quickly. It's non-porous and easy to clean. One of the highest quality material desired in a toy, it can be sanitized by bowling in water up to 572º F for 5-10 minutes (unless they are battery operated, in which case don't do that), or simply washed with warm water and anti-bacterial soap. Never use scented hand soap as this can cause yeast infections. Only use water-based lubricants when using silicone toys, as silicone-based lubricants will corrode your toy.
• Jelly: This material is achieved by mixing PVC and rubber, making it feel soft and pretty realistic; the downside is they contain a lot of phthalates. Jelly is extremely pourous, and smells of rubber, so for easier clean up, use a condom. And please, don't lose your shit about this tip like my last customer did. If you decide you don't want to use one, clean the toy with mild soap and warm water. Only use water-based lubricants. When storing, keep away from other jelly toys.
• Elastomer: Consider this a higher quality version of jelly, since it does not use any phthalates. They feel very similar, so here's a trick to spot the difference: The more a toy smells (you'll know what I mean), the cheaper the quality. Luckily cleaning is similar to jelly, just use toy cleaners or warm water and mild anti-bacterial soap.
• Cyberskin: The most realistic feeling of the bunch, Cyberskin is a brand name for a type of elastomer. This velvety material is extremely porous, so I would definitely recommend using a condom over it, as cleanup may be a little trickier. Warm water and anti-bacterial soap or specialized toy cleaner may be used, followed by corn starch or renewal powder to keep your toy feeling soft. Only use water-based lubricant 
• Hard Plastic (PVC): Not the most comfortable material to use, but it is the strongest when it comes to vibrating, sometimes too strong. Clean up is a cinch: warm water + soap, rubbing alcohol, or, if it isn't battery operated, boil it in water like silicone. You can use water or silicone-based lubricant.
• Rubber: Firmer than silicone and jelly, but not very life-like. If you are allergic to rubber, obviously do not stick a rubber toy inside you. It's porous, so clean with warm water...yada, yada. Only use water-based lubricant.
• TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber): A good in between material. Less porous than Cyberskin and more so that silicone, it's non-porous, nontoxic, and phthalate-free. Use water and soap.
• Glass/Metal: These materials are pretty similar in the sense that the care and temperature properties are the same. Many people, especially older ones, like to use glass and metal because you can adjust the temperature on them. You can heat them to body temperature or warmer, or, to the delight of psychrophiliacs everywhere, freeze them. To achieve this, heat or cool water to the temperature you desire and then drop the toy for 3-5 minutes; never boil or freeze the toy then use. To clean and sanitize, boil like you would silicone. Any lubricant is ok to use, I recommend silicone-based because it'll feel like fucking silk.

For reliable brands on affordable vibrators, check out California Exotics, Pipedream Products, Shane's World, and Doc Johnson. If you're looking for something a little more high end, Lelo and Tantus are the right choice for you. The latter specializes in strap-ons. When storing your toys, remember to keep them somewhere cool (as in not warm, not on a golden perch in your living room) and away from other toys or similar material.

Congratulations, you are now one step closer to understanding sex toys more. You also have an understanding of what my job is about; to help customers find the right toy for them, not blowing guys in the back. I'm like Mr. Ollivander, except my clients use their wands a bit differently. Although, now that I think about it, it would be awesome if my Patronus were Channing Tatum.

For more info on vibrators, watch Hysteria, a movie featuring Hugh Dancy and Maggie Gyllenhaal, about the invention of the vibrator.