Today's employee meeting was a revelation. As you know, my employees and I have been privy to some pretty unique individuals that call in to masturbate. There's been Jack off Jason, Erotic Eric (Parts 1-2, 3, and 4), Tati's silent creeper, and now two new members in the roster. Snowe received a call from an unknown, Latin-sounding older man, who we ceremoniously named Randy Ramiro, and Cat has Beat off Billy.
We now have 5 phone perverts, and counting; I think we could start our own pervert hotline. Any takers? We'll tell you to beat it til your heart's content. We'll call you a pervert and act indignant at your atrocious masturbating. Our slogan can be "We work it, you jerk it!", and we'll charge $3 a minute. Sounds like a business plan to me.
There is one problem with our little band of wankers though, we don't know if Tati's unnamed caller, Cat's Billy, and my Eric are all the same person. They seem to fit the same description: in their early 30s, living in East County, very flattering and say similar things to each of us. If it is Eric being naughty, I'm dismayed at his philandering within our store, but amused at his audacity and multiple personas. The one thing that prevents us from fully pinning all the calls on Eric, is his M.O. He normally doesn't ask for Facebook pages, because in his words, "I'm not that creepy. If you want to show me your pictures you will. I'm not a stalker". However, Billy had no problem asking Cat for her Facebook page, so we're not sure. For right now it'll remain a mystery.
We're thinking of making a chart for the back office with stats, line graphs, and timelines for each pervert. Maybe we'll even make one of those walls detectives do when trying to weed out suspects, complete with images and strings connecting everyone. You just never know working here.
Erotic Eric, if you read this, call us. I've got some interrogating to do. Stay tuned.
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