Condom Debacle

I just had the most infuriating customer ever.

A small, pale mousy, forget-able little thing of a woman, who just left, came in to buy a vibrator. I told her that we are currently very limited on selection right now, but I would help her look for something among the choices we have. I took her to the toy room and showed her our line of Real Feel vibrators. As she looked at them, I explained how to use them properly and how to prolong usage. I told her, as I do every customer, that the best way to get the most years out of her toy was to put a condom on it. This recommendation is only used on toys made from porous materials, because the repetitive cleaning and sanitation process sometimes wears the material out and shortens the life span. I was not telling this woman she had to put on the condom, I was just giving her tips. Apparently, a chord was struck, because the entire time she looked at the models, she pressed on about the condom.

"Why the condom?"

"Can the toy get wet?"

"This says it's waterproof."

"Well, if it's waterproof, why do I have to use a condom?"

On and on about the condom.

I had to stop her rambling to remind her that it was not a rule of thumb; I wasn't going to forbid her from purchasing a toy if she didn't put on a condom. It wouldn't run away from her screaming. I was just trying to help. Then she asked the cleaning process five thousand times, and then finally settled on a six inch g-spot vibrator. "Will a condom fit on this?" Finally, I herded her to the register to finally ring her up.

Time to try out the toy to make sure it's working. She asked to do it herself, so I gave her the cock and explained how to put the battery in it. She asked to add batteries to her purchase, and I did. Then, once the toy worked, I asked her to give the battery back as it is our tester battery. Well, she nearly slapped me for asking. I suggested switching her new battery for my tester battery, and then made the idiotic mistake of making one last suggestion: Do not store you toy with the battery in it, because if left in too long with it, the acid could leak out and damage the vibrator. Again, it's just another tip to prolong the product. Now, she was just over the edge.

"Why can't I store it with the battery?"

"What happens to the battery?"

"So what do I do with the battery?"

All of this in a soft, mousy, unbearable, little tone of voice and looking at me like I'm the idiot. I wanted to shove the toy, condom, and batteries into her, I just couldn't decide which end to go through.

End rant