Inexperienced Customers

Hello, everyone! It's Monday once more, which means we have to wait 4 more days for Memorial Day weekend. Does anyone have any fun plans?

I can't believe it's been over a year now that I've worked here. I remember when I first started I had never used a toy before. Honestly, I was a little intimidated to use them, but look at how much you can change and learn in a year. I like working at a sex shop because I can use my knowledge to help out other people who are too embarrassed to ask about certain things. I enjoy removing any taboos surrounding sex and helping people realize that it's ok to like what they like. I've been fortunate to become someone that my friends feel comfortable to come with questions, but it's also wonderful to aid wary stranger who come into the shop. So, here are some of my favorite customers I've been able to help out:

• I was working here for about a month and a half when I finally met some customers who were less experienced than I was. Three girls about 18-19 years old came in looking for their very first vibrators. They knew absolutely nothing and needed some major help. Luckily, at this point I had read up on vibrators, so I had plenty of knowledge. I went through and explained every different type of toy we had, how to use them, what lube to use, how to clean and maintain them, what it would feel like, and how to avoid allergic reactions. Overall, I think I spent 30-45 minutes making sure they found just what they needed. They left pretty happy, but I'm not sure if it was because of the service or because they were about to get off to a pink vibrating dong.
• A couple months later, I was able to help another virgin customer, this time a guy. Being over 18 and never having had sex made him tired of waiting around. He wanted a pussy, and he wanted it now. Seeing as I don't sell escorts, I offered him the next best thing, a pocket pussy. When I showed him our selection, I thought the poor kid's head was going to explode from all the options: Cyber Snatch, Milf Stroke-her, Cumfy Clam, Tuna Taco, Bumpy Bitch, Lasagna Lips, Tender Twat, Tunnel of Love, Virgin Snatch, or Flip a Sista Over. Once he decided on the Virgin Snatch (looking for a kindred spirit genital, perhaps?), I taught him all the proper tips for care and use. It may sound twisted, but I thought it was adorable that he knew nothing about masturbators.
• This next customer was not a virgin, but just as inexperienced when it came to toys. He and his wife had just had a baby, and were lacking intimacy because of their schedules. He came in looking for something that would spice up the bedroom and potentially bring rekindle their marriage. He was too embarrassed to talk to his wife beforehand, but thought that bringing a toy home would open their communication. After hearing his situation, I gladly helped this new dad find what many men are either too ignorant/macho/scared to ask for: anal toys. This was another shopping session that I spent about 30-45 minutes explaining different toys, their cares and uses. He was lovely and though very shy at first, eventually able to speak freely about what he wanted, unabashed. After I helped him choose the right toy, I wished him and his wife the best. A month later, he came in again, looking for more toys, and said that they were able to talk things out and were open to try out more things together. One of my favorite customers for sure.
• Finally, this last customer was pretty recent. Virgin customers are pretty few and far between, but when they come in, they are always fun to help out. This girl was a shy, over-weight, gamer girl who was not lucky in the relationship department. She preferred to look around without any help, so I let her do her thing. When she came up to the register, she bought a small, candy-themed vibrator, all the while cracking little jokes and being quite funny about her situation. "Of course the fat girl would choose a chocolate vibrator". The meeting wasn't super memorable, but I enjoyed her sense of humor and liked her enough to put her on this list.

As much as I love helping out my customers, hopefully I've been able to help or teach you guys a few things too. I started this blog with the intention to vent and tell NSF(your)W stories, but I'll be happy if you've learned a few things along the way.

See you tomorrow for Toy Tuesday!

Fetish Friday: Dacryphilia

This past month has been pretty emotionally exhausting, with a lot of tears shed along the way. Thankfully, there's change coming around the corner, and although I struggle with change sometimes, it always brings good things. Today's fetish will be for those who get off to misery, or rather what accompanies misery.

Today's Fetish: Dacryphilia

Dacryphilia is the sexual attraction toward tears and the strong emotions that elicits these tears, such as anger, fear, sadness, or despair.

From what I could find, there are three ways dacryphiles get off:

1. Sadistic dacryphiles: Mainly found in the BDSM community, these doms enjoy provoking their submissives to tears. They use pain, restrictions, servitude and/or humiliation to evoke these strong emotions.
2. Voyeuristic dacryphiles: Voyeur dacryphiles are more passive as they do not enjoy being the ones to make their subjects cry. They will sometimes join in on dom/sub sessions to enjoy criers.
3. Criers: These last dacryphiles do not derive pleasure from seeing others cry; they are aroused by the act of crying themselves. They see crying as cathartic, liberating, and ultimately, erotic.

But dacryphiles aren't all sadistic, many fetishists are aroused by a sense of need. According to Dr. Mark Griffiths' blog, a dacryphile had this to say about it:

"I definitely have dacryphilia. I get extremely turned on physically and emotionally by crying women. When I see a woman crying, I want to hold and soothe her, make her feel safe and comforted. For that reason I tend to date needy women. I enjoy their vulnerability because of sympathy, not sadism. I also enjoy making them feel better."

As you can see, not all dacryphiles are jerks, just look at Cry Baby. Johnny Depp and his girlfriend were dacryphiles, and nothing that Johnny Depp does could be that horrible, now could it? So go home, pop in The Notebook, listen to some Barcelona, and get freaky. Now, go get your kink on!

Tumblr, forum, videos

Awkward comments

Hi guys! So I finally have internet installed at my house, so I can blog from the comfort of my home :)

I was looking through, and I noticed that I haven't done a "list" post in a while. So here are 5 awkward, or weird, things customers have said (or not said) while in the shop:

1. After I told a customer we don't lend out our bathroom to customers, he gave me his interpretation of our reasoning: "That makes sense. I bet people jack off in the bathroom if you let them use it".
2. An exchange between myself and a customer accompanied by his girlfriend: "Can I help you find anything?" "Nah, I just want to show her the Japanese vagina". He then sprinted to the back and emerged defeated. Unfortunately, we were all out of "Japanese vaginas".
3. This one isn't so much about what they say, as it is what they don't: "Did you find everything ok?" ".............yup...". This one is popular among DVD and vibrator shoppers, mostly.
4. After my boss took home some erection pills to try out, he texted me this: "Holy Hell!! Let's just say those stiff night pills WORK!!!!!"
5. And to round things out, here's another bathroom quote by a very nervous Mexican: "Do you have a bathroom? I have to take a shit."

See that? We came full circle. And he didn't need to jack off.

Off the clock

Oh, my sweet Jesus. I just received a wrong number who mistook me for his friend, Terry. When I asked who it was, he said, "It's your foot massager". When I corrected his mistake, he asked if I had nice feet, and if  my boyfriend massaged them, because he wanted to. I tried to fend him off with various comments, but I think everything I said intrigued him all that much more. Finally, I just had to thank him for his time and hang up.
How do these people find me? I don't even have to be on the clock for them to find me. According to Ariana, "That's what [I] get for being a vixen." Too bad, he had a cute voice.

Ridiculous.

Weirdos

Hello, everyone! Another week, another paycheck. As you may or may not have realized by now, I normally don't work weekends, but since summer hours are changing, so are mine. I now work Sunday opening shifts; but don't worry, I'll keep posting every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Anyway, I opened yesterday and since I haven't worked a weekend day in a long time, I forgot how the real weirdos reserve their Sunday's for their weekly sexpeditions. I had the pleasure of encountering four of these creatures back to back.

1. To start my morning off, I had some guy in his late 30s come in and head straight for the DVD room. He spent, no joke, an entire hour voraciously looking through our porn collection; picking up movies, reading the plot summaries, putting boxes back, comparing prices, and contemplating actresses. I've haven't seen someone consider their options that much since Amanda Bynes decided between being crazy, or being crazy and haggard. Eventually, he made up his mind and finally emerged victorious with four DVDs. He came to the register with a pink jelly cyber snatch pocket pussy and movies including MILFs and hairy women. To top it off: After he paid for his goodies, he wished me a Happy Mother's Day and just walked out the door to jack it to some mommies of his own.
2. Shortly after, a dirty-ish looking youth came in looking for nothing specific, so I couldn't decide if he was homeless or not. I let him roam around the store for a bit and just followed his activity on our security cameras. The first thing he did was go straight to the lingerie section. As he sorted through everything, he giggled to himself and rocked out to Justin Timberlake's "Suit and Tie". Then, he proceeded to the bondage section to giggle and fondle boxes some more, followed by the shoe section. Here he took a little more interest, as he looked at sizes and styles, holding them up so he could examine them closely. Slowly, he made his way into the DVD room, where he really rocked out to J. Timberlake and "Teach me how to Dougie". He was moving around to the rhythm, bopping his head, and lingered on the bondage and teen sections. Sufficiently pleased with his trip to the sex shop, he casually walked out in his black t-shirt emblazoned with a bald eagle wearing an American flag shirt and straddling a motorcycle. 'Merica
3. A little later in the afternoon, a short, brown, foreign man in his 40s came in looking for a Mother's Day present. I totally believed he was gay, so I thought it was a bit creepy he was shopping here. It wasn't until I realized he was "straight" that I helped him look for presents for his wife. However, when I asked him what he was looking for, all he said was, "I don't know". I pressed a bit for details as to what direction he wanted to go or what she would be interested in and all I got was, "I don't know". I showed him our vibrators to see if maybe that would inspire them, but he just told me she already had all of them. All of them. Ok. So I suggested lingerie as a nice present for both of them, but when I asked what her size was and what kind of styles they liked, you guessed it, "I don't know". We tried bondage. "Here are some of our restraints. This package comes with a heart shaped pillow and paddle, restraints and a blindfold. Would your wife like this?" "I don't know...I don't know"....."Ok. What would like to see then?" "I don't know, you tell me". Ohmygod. I wanted to strangle him. I suggested a few other things but it was either no or he didn't know. Finally, I gave up and went back to the register so he could look through things. As he was leaving, I apologized for not being able to help him find anything. He responded with, "You should [be]". Fuck you mini-man!
4. Finally, to top my day off, a cowboy came in looking for underwear. He didn't specify for who it was, he just said he needed some underwear. He was pretty secretive about the details but said he was hanging out next door and needed it. Eventually, I got him to tell me if it was for a girl or guy, and after showing him prices, he told me what they were for...kind of. He just said he needed some comfortable underwear for a girl that worked next door who had forgotten to put her panties on. It didn't matter what they looked like as long as they were comfortable. I asked him if they were going to be seen and his response was, "Not yet". I showed him some cotton briefs with corny sayings on the back like "Hot as Fuck", "Spank me", and "Hot Ass". Despite the fact that the style didn't matter, it took him long enough to finally decide on "It's not going to lick itself". Classy.

Update: #2 just walked into the store again wearing the same exact shirt as yesterday, and a little coked out. I would like to correct my earlier mistake, the bald eagle was not wearing an American flag shirt; it was a leather jacket and an American flag helmet. My bad. Sorry.

Fetish Friday: Hybristophilia

So this week was a bit hectic, what with cinco de Mayo and all (I actually have an amazing picture about that, that I will post later). Unfortunately, I had a little bit too much to drink on Sunday and got too out of control. The boyfriend and I have an agreement that we're allowed to kiss other people as long as it's just kissing. However, on Sunday, I did push my luck.

There is one promoter from a club downtown that I would flirt with, and on Cinco, I got very drunk and acted inappropriately with him. I have since apologized to my boyfriend, who is absolutely the most understanding man I could ever be with, and cut off communication with the promoter.

Then I started to wonder: What is it with bad boys? I always had a soft spot for them in high school, and definitely got it out of my system this time, but why do we chase them in the first place? Most girls, and a lot of guys, will always have an attraction for the wrong person. So this leads me to today's fetish.

*Btw, the boyfriend and I are fine :) You fuck up, you apologize, you move on.

Today's Fetish: Hybristophilia

Hybristophilia, also known as "Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome", is the sexual attraction to criminals; and I don't mean petty crimes like pick-pocketing or shop lifting, I mean rape, murder, or armed robbery.

There are two kind of hybristophiliacs:

1. Passive: Also known as SKG (serial killer groupies), these hybristophiliacs are often times delusional and easily manipulated. They do not participate in their lover's crimes, opting instead to write them love letters, make excuses for their crimes, and hold on to the hope that their love can change them. These poor saps have rescue fantasies and often end up in abusive and dangerous relationships that lead to murder.
2. Aggressive: Now these kooks are the complete opposite. In an attempt to gain the criminals' trust and love, they will assist in crimes such as hiding bodies, beating, luring, or providing alibis. They become criminals themselves and are incredibly dangerous since they try even harder to prove themselves worthy.

Despite all the articles questioning or studying the topic, it isn't clearly known what leads hybristophiliacs to fall in love with these people, but there are theories:

• They mistake overly-violent and aggressive criminals as alpha males. Obviously the right person to continue the human species with.
• They are submissive and seek thrills.
• They are closeted murderers, that enjoy living vicariously through these people.
• They are religious nuts who can't get enough of that Cool-aid.

Since Bonnie and Clyde, there has been a lot of interest and media coverage about hybristophilia, through fiction and true events. Examples of hybristophilia in fiction are:

• The show, The Good Wife features an episode titled "Hybristophilia", about a woman who died stalking a serial killer.
• The Following is a new show on Fox, starring Kevin Bacon, about an imprisoned serial killer who has both male and female groupies.
• Harley Quinn and Joker, anyone?
• CSI featured the character, Nate Haskell, in 9 episodes who had groupies called "Nate's brides".

Well, what about real life? There can't actually be that many examples right? Wrong, never underestimate how bat-shit crazy some women are:

• Josef Fritzl imprisoned and raped his daughter for 24 years.
• Crazy bitch count: 100s of letters following his arrest.
• Charles Manson inspired a group of dirty hippies to murder several families in Los Angeles in one of the most gruesome massacres of our time.
• Crazy bitch count: We all know about his kooky groupies.
• Ted Bundy, one of the most charming serial killers known in the media, was a serial killer, necrophiliac, rapist and kidnapper.
• Crazy bitch count: He had scores of women come support him at his trials and after he was incarcerated, their obsession with with him just kept growing. He received hundreds of letters a day from adoring fans.
• Richard Ramirez was a serial killer currently on death row.
• Crazy bitch count: Dozens of women came to see him at his trial. One lucky groupie, after writing him over 75 letters, finally got to marry Mr. Ramirez. Who says true love can't prevail?
• Jeffrey Dahmer, serial killer and sex offender.
• Crazy bitch count: Dozens of women would send him letters, money and gifts. It's not about quantity, it's about quality as Mr. Dahmer knows.
• Scott Peterson murdered his wife and their unborn child in the 90s.
• Crazy bitch count: He's had countless women over the years write to him in support and adoration.
• Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev were responsible for the 2013 Boston bombings.
• Crazy bitch count: Apparently the hashtag #FreeJahar is incredibly popular among teenage girls on Twitter...really, ladies????

As weird as this fetish sounds, it is very real, and in most cases extremely dangerous. So instead of going for that mass murderer or child rapist, may I suggest a fun alternative?

Isn't that better than 25 to life? the outfits are cuter and conjugal visits can go for as long as you want. Now, go get your kink on!

Here, because women aren't the only ones looking to get it on with an inmate.

What Fetish Friday would be complete without a Tumblr link?

Finally, here's a blog, Facebook page, forum, video, and porn site to quench your kinky self.

P.S. I've never fallen in love with a criminal before, but hot damn.

Throwback Thursday

Hi guys! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, yet again, this week. There's been a lot on my plate that I'm trying to deal with right now. I haven't forgotten about you, and I promise to have a very interesting Fetish Friday tomorrow to make up for last week.

This week, since my brain is still a little fried from everything, I thought I'd do another Throwback Thursday. I love looking at pictures and videos of vintage porn or sex toys, because you never imagine people getting freaky in the past. If you ask me, they were even crazier than we are now. They used metal, wooden and even stone toys, while we use hypoallergenic silicone and softened leather.

So here are some kinky ads and erotic pictures from yesteryear for your viewing pleasure ;)

The funny thing is, we still sell a lot of the toys featured above, including finger vibrators, oral pocket pussies, and dildo machines. If you're into tentacle porn though, I'm sorry, I have no idea what that thing was so I can't help you there.

Toy Tuesday: Nipple Clamps

Hi Guys! I know it's Thursday, but I ended up getting Tuesday off, so I owe you a Toy Tuesday :) So here goes.

Today's Toy: Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps restrict blood flow to your nipples when erect, causing a mixed sensation between pain and pleasure. These clamps are widely used for BDSM, and are instrumental in "tit torture".

Both men and women can use nipple clamps. They are great for solo or couple/group play. Because they don't go on your genitals, they can be shared between two or more people without being sanitized.

There are three main style of clamps:

• Clothes-pin: Pretty similar to a household clothes-pin. Like many clamps, it often comes with a screw that adjusts the pressure.

• Tweezer clamp: Looks just like a tweezer, 2-4 inches in length. Normally, they will have a rubber sheath over the tips to protect the nipple and prevent slippage. These come with an adjustable screw as well.

• Clover clamp: A.k.a "Butterfly clamp". You can thank the Japanese for this one. It's a flat clamp 2-4 inches in size, and sometimes come with weights or chains attached. They are meant to prevent the wearer from moving and provide a very high pain level, so these clamps are recommended for experienced users only.

Once you've decided what style of clamp you like, there are many variations to each one, like weighted, chained, suction cup, gag and clamp combo, vibrating, metal, clamp and collar set, metallic, decorated, suspender-style, and even rosary-style.

To apply, make sure nipples are erect as this makes gripping much easier, unless you are trying to torture your partner and wish to prevent them from getting hard. The area should be dry and devoid of any oils, sweat, or saliva, as this may cause slipping. To vary sensations, try clamping/un-clamping during intervals, adjust pressure, and/or tug on them. Because your nipples will be sensitive after using them, it will hurt momentarily when taking off.

Like any other BDSM instrument, these toys are meant to teeter between pain and pleasure, however, if the pain is ever two intense, or your nipples go numb, remove the clamps immediately. Do not leave on for more than a few minutes at a time.

Again, because they don't go on your genitals, nipple clamps are extremely easy to care for. Just un-clamp and put away somewhere cool and dry. If you do decide to use them on your naughty bits, remember to clean and sanitize with rubbing alcohol...but really, just go out and buy genital clamps.

Difficulty to use:

Very easy. Open, clamp on.

Versatility:

Try adjusting pressure and clipping on and off. It'll keep you on the edge, or make you cum faster.

My Rating:

Today's rating is based upon Pipedream's Fetish Fantasy Series Limited Edition feather nipple clamps.

To start off, they are absolutely adorable, and much more comfortable than I was expecting. The rubber tips made them easy to wear for a longer period of time, and the adjustable screw was definitely needed since it was my first time using clamps. One of the reasons I hadn't tried nipple clamps before was because they look intimidating  and, frankly, a little scary, but the feathers on these made them look cute, similar to booby tassels. My burlesque alter ego was definitely feeling them; maybe I'll even wear them for a show ;)

As for using nipple clamps in general, I definitely approve. It added a completely different sensation than what I'm used to. At first they felt strange, but once you get used to them they feel amazing. It was especially nice any time I moved around, because they would slightly tug and remind me I was wearing them. Because the stimulation was so strong, I couldn't cum; I was too focused on how they felt, but I'm not complaining! Afterwards, it does sting when you remove them, and your boobs might be a bit sore. Worth it!

Boyfriend's Rating:

He didn't try them on himself, but he loved them! Apparently your girl looks hot in them ;)

Make sure to follow Pipedream on their blog, Facebook page, and Twitter for toy updates.