Friday, September 12, 2014

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Pick Up Lines

"Call me Fred Flinstone, because I can make your Bed Rock"
"We can get married tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight"
"Are you a traffic ticket? 'Cause you got FINE written all over you!"
"What's your sign?"

Pick lines are uncomfortable in a normal setting. They are twice as weird in a sex shop. Being a female working at one, I tend to get hit on a lot by men who think that my job makes me more open to sleep with them. A very popular myth, among others. And before you assume this is a post meant to boost my ego: I'm not saying that I'm so hot that guys are just falling over themselves to talk to me; I'm saying I could be a four legged woman, with a third eye, but if I had a nice pair of tits and I was behind the counter, I would still get hit on. It's the appeal of a woman, any woman, in a sex shop. Here are some of the most awkward encounters I've had with my store's wannabe Lotharios:
  • "You are very attractive. You look like one of the girls in these movies." (Points to TV playing porn by register)
  • "Are you a pornstar?" (Different guy. Maybe they're trying to tell me something, guys)
  • "You are too pretty to be working at a place like this."
  • "What's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?"
  • "Soooo, you new here?"
  • "Store looks nice. Mmm...(looks me up and down) you look nice too (NO)
  • "How you doin'?'" "Fine." "You lookin' fine."
  • "Are those real?" (That one actually set me off, but that's a story for another day)
  • "Do you need a new master?" (Nope, all set, thank you)
  • "Are you a freak? "Do you like sex?" (Hate it. My whole purpose for working here is to infiltrate and get people to stop having sex)
  • "You fly as fuck. What your name is?"
  • "Can I have your number?" "No." "Why?" "I have a boyfriend." "We can just be friends." "I have enough friends."
  • "How's your day been?" "Long." "That's what's up." "...Ok"
  • "Have a beautiful day. Stay beautiful yourself." (There's actually nothing wrong with that one, but just no thank you)
  • "What's your name?" "Annette" "You're awesome, mind if I come back looking for you?" "That's a little weird, so no, but you can come back as a customer any time." "Can I just get your number then?" "No."
  • "If I went back there (to the arcade), I'd probably jack off just knowing you're out here." (THEN DO IT IN SILENCE. Don't tell me about it!)
So next time a guy comes up to you and gives you some cheesy pick up line (Like my sweater? It's made from boyfriend material), remember it could always be worse. You could have some horny, undersexed guy come in and declare that you have been inducted into his special spank bank...although I've had that happen at a bar too. Dammit.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Toy Tuesday Review: Pipedream Double Trouble

Hello, lovers! I have just come out of a stage of post-coital bliss to write a new review for you guys.



Fan-fucking-tastic. Very well made product perfect for the couple that wants to add a little more, without adding the extra person.

Difficulty to use:
With two cock rings meant to go over your guy's shaft and testicles, it's a pretty simple design. It's a tight fit though, so make sure you use some water based lubricant to slide it on a little easier. I gave it a three star review, only because it might be tricky for anyone who has never used a cock ring before. On more right and wrong ways to apply cock ring type products, here's a helpful post :)

Versatility:
The toy is pretty straightforward, but depending on your positioning and toy placement (above or below his shaft) you can either have his penis anally and the toy vaginally, or the other way around. I recommend wearing the toy as suggested on the box for better results.

My Rating:
I'll let you know, because I'm still new to anal play, I was saving this for a rainy day; partly because I was saving the treat for the right time, and partly because I was a little nervous. My boyfriend and I started things slow by having him insert my plug first, and then having sex with it in. Once we got things going, I was ready to try this thing out. It was fucking mind blowing. He was in me vaginally, while the toy went in anally. I will admit it was a little overwhelming at certain points, the sensation is very intense. I wouldn't recommend this toy to anyone that has never tried anal before, unless you're a "go big or go home" kind of gal. It's a lot of stimulation at the same time, but if you stay relaxed and enjoy it, it's amazing. A little invasive at first, once you get into things, it's so worth it. By the time we both came, I was left speechless. What I like about anal is feeling a full sensation, and this product definitely delivers. If you're looking for dual stimulation, you have to try this toy out.
It's made from thermoplastic rubber, meaning it's porous and you can't boil it to sanitize, so I recommend using a condom over it to make clean up a cinch.

His Rating:
In terms of fit, it wasn't hard to put on, and the cock ring was comfortable. He liked that it wasn't so thick as to intimidate me, and loved the reaction he got from me when using it.

Here's a shot of the toys we used to maximize the experience. It made things a lot easier. Make sure to have lots of lube handy as well!



For more updates on Pipedream's toys, visit their blogFacebook page, and Twitter.