Toy Tuesday: Clitoral Vibrators

Hi guys! A few months ago, I wrote a Toy Tuesday review about G-spot vibrators and their general care and maintenance. However, some ladies, myself included, prefer external to internal stimulation. So, here you go.

Today's Toy: Clitoral Vibrators

Clitoral vibrators are vibrating toys meant for external use. They are meant to massage the clit and surrounding areas, not for penetration. Because of their size and use, these toys will sometimes have a more discreet design than the internal vibrator. Some designs include lipstick, rubber duckies, cell phones, nail polish, and shotgun bullets.

Made with women in mind, some clit stimulators lend themselves to both sexes, since they are small and easy to use. When looking for the right vibrator, there are two main types, manual and hands-free. Within those types, here are some of the most popular styles:

• Bullet: Possibly the most popular type of clit vibrator, the bullet is a small, hand-held toy. Its simple design, versatility and easy use makes it a top seller. You can choose to use the bullet by itself or use with attachments such as panties, hollowed out strap ons, or cock rings. The basic bullet has three control options: wireless remote controlled, remote controlled, and button controlled (seen below). Speed and pulse options vary from toy to toy, some ranging from 3 speeds to 6 or more, plus varying pulses. Pipedream's Le Reve line has great bullets, as well as the famed Silver Bullet.

• Pocket Rocket: This is the name of am extremely popular vibe sold at stores. Pocket rocket is just a brand name, but it'll get the job done; if you ask for a Mini-Mite, it's the same thing. This is the easiest toy to change batteries; it takes one AA battery and switches on and off with a twist. The downside is it only has one speed, but the upside is that it normally comes with exchangeable heads for different sensations.

• Butterfly Harness: The butterfly harness is a hands-free model that a woman wears around her waist and hips. The vibrating part consists of a bullet tucked into a jelly or silicone sleeve in the shape of a butterfly, flower, or other small animal, and the straps are adjustable. This model allows you to move around during sex without having to worry about adjusting the toy. I always say it's the female version of the cock ring.

• Vibrating Panties: Essentially a bullet hidden in underwear, vibrating panties are the perfect idea for couples who want to be discreetly naughty in public. Older models with contain bullets that have a control box attached, while newer, more popular models have wireless remotes. The panties themselves have a small pocket in the center to hold the vibrator. A fun model I would suggest trying out is Ohmibod's Club Vibe vibrating panties. They have three settings: Ambiance (when in a club, it will pick up the sounds of the speakers and vibrate to the beat of the music), Ipod (as long as it's instrumental, it will also go to the beat of the music), and Regular vibrator (works just like a normal bullet). Sorry this is coming right after EDC, I'm pretty sure I heard 10,000 raver chicks cream themselves. Don't worry, there will be plenty of other raves for you to slut it up at.

• Magic Wands: This manual vibrator is much larger than the other options on this list and one of the only ones that plugs into the wall. Very similar to a regular back massager, they are often marketed in mainstream retail stores as such. Because they are electrically wall powered, they produce a much more powerful vibration than its battery powered counterparts. Massagers will also sell attachments separately made of silicone or rubber to allow penetration. Two popular models are the Hitachi and Wanachi.

• Finger Vibes: If you prefer a more hands on approach for diddling your skittle, maybe you'll appreciate this toy. Finger vibes are bullet shaped vibes encased in rubber, plastic or silicone sleeves, regularly covered in ridges or bumps, that encircle the finger with an elastic or fitted band. Kind of like a cock ring for your digits. Easy to use and varying in speeds and pulses.

• Vibrating Cock Rings: A type of cock ring that has one or two bullets on either side of an elastic band. Worn over a penis shaft.

When using a clitoral stimulator, it's all about warming up. Start with other erogenous zones normally overlooked, like your nipples, inner thighs or happy trail. Work your way towards the clitoris; if you head directly towards it, the vibrations may be uncomfortable or too intense, and will make it more difficult to get off. Alternate between speeds and vibrations until you hit a pattern you like. If you are trying to use it on your man, I suggest trying it on their scrotum or taint. They might be uncomfortable with it at first, but once they get over the initial taboo of it, they'll love it.

Do not try to insert the toy inside your vagina. These toys are meant for external use only. External walls are ok, but once you start to go inside, the toy could get stuck. You can of course finger it out, but that'll definitely kill the mood.

For specific care instructions, refer to the care post mentioned above. For the most part, external vibrators are easy to take care of. Make sure to wash after every use with warm water and non-scented, anti-bacterial soap, take batteries out to prevent leakage, and store in a dark, cool place. Done.

Difficulty to use:

It's all about knowing your body. Clitoral vibrators are very simple to use, and their is enough variety in models to choose the one that you prefer using the most.

Versatility:

As seen above, there are plenty of styles and models to choose from. Hands free or manual, small or large, some even offer internal attachments; there is a vibe out there for everyone. The fun part is figuring out which one you like best.

My Rating:

Let's just say, I've never had a bad experience with my clit vibrators.

Boyfriend's Rating:

He loved the vibrating cock ring, saying it felt "Aaaamazing"

Phone Calls3

Back in January I posted about several strange phone calls I got while working at the shop, as well as stories about  Jack off Jason, Erotic Eric, and the Beat off Bandits. For some reason, people love to get freaky on the phone so here are a few more weird phone calls:

• An older man called once asking about our lingerie selection for his wife. He asked if she could come in to try outfits, and wanted to know if he could go into the changing room with her. When I told him he could not, he repeatedly made a point to make sure I understood that she was an exhibitionist and wouldn't mind walking around the store in lingerie. Again, I told him that was not allowed, to no avail. He kept up the exhibitionist excuse and saying she didn't mind doing it. Finally, I just had to let him go.
• One of the funnier calls, and my favorites, were people mistaking our business for something else. Because the store's name, I can't tell you the amount of people calling in to make doctor appointments, or asking for medical attention. One such "customer" called in believing we were a video rental place, and asked for a copy of Die Hard. Once my co-worker and I came back from the 8th grade, we explained why we were laughing. Embarrassed at first, he did get the comedy in ordering Die Hard at a sex shop.
• A very colorful black woman, who I thought was a gay man at first, called asking for a bukkake machine for herself and her husband. The conversation started with, "Who this is? Where you at?" When I asked if she knew what bukkake was she said, "No, but my husband's Japanese and it sounds like something he'll like"....-____- I tried to sell her a Tenga egg instead, but got this response, "What a man need to put a egg on his dick for?" Finally, she decided maybe she should research items before calling in and hug up.
• As I mentioned with Erotic Eric, he liked to hear how big his dick was. Pretty standard stuff, all men like to hear that, or so I thought. An older gentleman called asking what he could do to make his "Two and half inch penis" larger. I suggested a penis pump or enlargement pills, but he did not get it. He continued to point out how small his penis was and asked what an average size was. "6 inches". Again, "Well, mine's only 2.5. Is that small?" Then, he mentioned how horny he was and asked if I suggested doing anything about it. I told him to masturbate and get it over with, because no woman is going to want to have sex with a whole 2.5 inches. After a few more "What do you suggest for my tiny penis?", I realized that he probably took my advice and started masturbating so I quickly said bye and hung up. I do not get paid enough for that shit.
• Finally, I got a call that ended up going in the complete opposite direction. It started off with a shy younger guy calling to get some information. He was so timid, it took a while for him to finally get to his point. Apparently, he made movies and needed to know who he could get in contact with in San Diego. He also asked if we had "the hook up" and what pills could he take to "blow a bigger load". I told him I didn't have the answer to any of those questions, so when he called back, I let the owner deal with that.

I'll never know if he was able to make his load bigger :(

Fetish Friday: Somnophilia

Oh hey guys! Missed Fetish Fridays? Me too. So let's get right to it, shall we?

Today's Fetish: Somnophilia

Somnophilia is the paraphilia involving sleep. People with this fetish can achieve arousal, and eventually orgasm, through caressing, fondling, penetrating, or just overall intruding on an unsuspecting, sleeping partner. From what I found, the characteristics that classify "somnophilia" vary a bit from site to site. Some categorize sleeping partners as the sole object of their desires, while other reports include unconscious victims (leading to the use of roofies) as their turn on.

Some have thought somnophilia and necrophilia may root from the same desire, but blogger and psychologist, Dr. Mark Griffith, has this to say about it:

"However, they ultimately concluded that although somnophilia appears to have some characteristics in common with necrophilia, the two syndromes do not necessarily reflect the same underlying pathology. Using Freudian theory, Calef and Weinshel speculated that underlying somnophilia was the desire to return to the maternal womb, and that somnophiliacs had unresolved Oedipal complex issues, fixations on pre-genital stages of psychosexual development, and castration anxiety. However, as with almost all psychoanalytic theory, it is hard to design any research to either confirm or deny such speculations."

Apparently, this is a pretty common fetish, whether people like to admit it or not, especially among men. There are several medical forums where those with the fetish, or the target of, elaborate on these experiences. However, if you are a "reversed somnophile", no luck there.

As for mainstream media, there are a few examples of somnophilia:

• #1, and the most obvious, Perrault's Sleeping Beauty, and all its adaptations. If you spend any time on the internet, you may know by now that the princess wasn't woken by a kiss, as Disney would have us believe. After being raped multiple times by the prince, she had two children, and one of them came to her rescue. Hey, silver lining right?
• The House of Sleeping Beauties: This 1961 novel is about a man who visits an establishment where men pay to rest next to young, beautiful women, who happen to be asleep. It was adapted as a play in 1983, and then into a German film.
• Sleeping Beauty (2011): (I'm beginning to see a theme here) This artsy film is about a young college student who, like all of us, is looking for ways to make money. She ends up working for an escort service as a companion. Her job entails drinking a tea that renders her unconscious, so men may come in and do what they will while she sleeps. It's pretty good. Fucked up, but still pretty good.

As for other outlets for your sleepy desires, there are Facebook pages, comic books, porn sites and fan fiction (Glee) after fan fiction for you kinksters. Btw, I didn't even realize that last one was a Supernatural fan fiction until the end. Sooo, if you're fans of the show...you're welcome. Finally, if you are unsure if you are a somnophile,  have no fear, OKCupid has made it simple for you with their somnophilia test. I am not a somnophile. Thanks, OKCupid, for clearing that up.

So for all you sleep-enthusiasts, never fear! There are plenty of places to get off to. As long as you're not drugging anyone against their will, let your freak flag fly! I'm sure there's someone out there just for you who is waiting to be molested while they dream about not being finger fucked in their sleep. Have fun, and grope away, just remind me to never invite you to a sleepover. Now, go get your kink on!

For more info on Dr. Mark, visit his site. He writes some pretty interesting information on fetishes as well (although none as fun as mine :D)

And, fuck it, why not? Here's a gratuitous shot of Sleeping Beauty for the road

Toy Tuesday: Paddles and Whips

Hi Guys! So glad to be back doing another Toy Tuesday. I'm a little rusty, so bear with me. I thought I'd get back into the swing of things with one of my absolute favorite toys. Strap in; this is a fun one, and one that too many people get confused with.

Today's Toy: Toys for spanking! (Paddles and Whips)

Spanking, or erotic spanking, is the act of striking someone's backside, including their ass or upper thighs, for sexual gratification. Regularly used in BDSM or ageplay, erotic spanking goes back to the Etruscan civilization. The earliest recordings of this act date back to 5th century B.C., fresco-ed in the Tomb of Whipping, located in Central Italy. Apparently, Etruscans were known for being freaky. They used tools ranging from floggers and canes, and paved the way for some of the same toys we use today.

You can be as creative as you want when it comes to which implements you use. Some people use everyday items like rulers, hair brushes, belts, feather dusters, rug beaters, shoes, or their hand, but I'm going to highlight the main types you can purchase at a sex shop.

• Paddles: A paddle is made of two parts, the blade and handle. It's regularly small enough to be held with one hand, but some models (for more extreme spankers) are large enough that two hands are needed. Blades are normally 3-4 inches wide and can range from 6 inches to 3 ft long. Paddles can be made from silicone, plastic, wood, rubber, or leather, and some have additional trimmings/linings such as studs, fur, or satin. Shapes can be novelty, rectangular, square, or round (like a ping pong paddle).

• Standard Whip: Don't act like you don't know what it looks like; we've all seen Indiana Jones.

• Crop: Short and lash-less, this whip is used in the mainstream as a horse riding crop. Size does not vary much (ranging around 30 inches), but materials include, fiberglass/plastic shafts and a leather, plastic or vinyl head. Most crops, though similar in style, have a few differences to make them fun. Fur, braided handles, and novelty shapes are just some of the alterations you can find.

• Cat o' nine tails: A gnarlier version of the standard whip, is the Cat o' nine tails. I recommend this one if you have a higher threshold for pain. Made from leather, plastic, vinyl, or rope, don't let this whip's name fool you; nine does not stand for the amount of straps it contains. Though some models have only a few straps, others are pretty abundant. Either way, it's going to hurt. Cat o' nine designs include barbed wired, braided, knotted (as seen below), or studded.

• Cane: Elongated and flexible, bamboo's the only way to go. Many specialty canes will come with a handle for easier use.

• Birch Rod: A cross between a cane and a cat o' nine, the birch rod is a bundle of leafless twigs fastened together for easier use. Despite the name, these bundles do not have to be limited to birch branches; they can be made from any strong and smooth wood such as hazel or willow.

For tips on how to spank properly, Good Vibrations has got it covered. Remember: half the fun of spaking is the anticipation, so build it up. When it comes to using a dual sided paddle (fur or satin on one side, wood or hard plastic on the other), make sure to take advantage of both sides. For the best results, smack with the harder side first, then softly stroke the area once red with the softer material. It feels aaaamazing.

Similar to any other pain/pleasure related activity, make sure you discuss both parties tolerance beforehand. Ignoring or not knowing these levels can turn some fun foreplay into a scary or bad situation quickly.

And finally, one of the top reasons spanking implements are so great to use is their care and maintenance. No cleaning necessary, just use and then store or hang up anywhere. If you don't mind letting your freak flag fly, just hang them over the bed or somewhere where access is easier.

Difficulty to use:

As long as you know how hard your partner likes to receive it, it's pretty much baby town frolics. Spank away.

Versatility:

You are pretty much getting the same exact result no matter what toy you use, but there are plenty or styles and sizes to choose from.

My Rating:

What can I say? I love spanking. Paddles and crops are my favorite, and if I could, I'd go all Christian Grey and line them up in my Red Room of Pain. No shame in my game.

Boyfriend's Rating:

He has no words.

Perks

Happy Thursday, everyone :) Working at a sex shop for over a year was so much fun, with plenty of ups and downs, and along the way, I enjoyed quite a few perks. In the 5 1/2 years I've lived in San Diego, I've had a variety of jobs where I either got free food, retail discounts, puppy playtime, or free gym memberships, but (after free food) I'm pretty sure this shop had the best perks. Besides having a blast at work, here are some of my favorite benefits:

1. Discounts: Ok, obviously everyone knows that the best thing about working somewhere is the employee discount. We all work (relatively) hard, so it's nice to be able to buy the products we sell for cheap. Everyone loves a sale, right? I just really liked getting discounts on stuff like sex coupons and edible body paints ;)
2. Lingerie: Yes! Lingerie! What girl doesn't love playing dress up or buying sexy outfits for them-self or their other half? The first free item I was given was from my former manager; a red and pink Valentine's Day mini-skirt and bra set. I was helping her change out our window displays, and because we no longer sold some of the styles we took down, she gave me three different outfits that day. Later, when I became manager, I was in charge of receiving any new products and choosing what we would or would not sell, especially when it came to clothing. I had one distributor who was going out of business and was trying to get rid of several leather bustiers and thongs. I was actively working as a burlesque artist at the time, so I took them home because we wouldn't sell them. They were pretty out of date, but in good shape, so ended up saving a bit of money on costumes. And btw, this has to be one of my favorite perks. There aren't enough days in the week for me to wear all the outfits I want to. You name it, I have it: geisha, baseball theme (Go Padres!), referee, cops, nurses, pirate, storybook, student, secretary, frilly, dominatrix, slutty, demure, etc. Not to mention all the stockings and tights. Raver girls, be jealous.
3. Make new connections: Since I was also in charge of PR and advertising, I had the pleasure of meeting a lot of cool people, including models, clothing companies, magazine editors, and venue promoters (which is awesome because I am a fashion designer and will most likely use these connections in the future). Some fun items I was hooked up with was a free bathing suit from a local designer, as well as free food from local restaurants.
4. Lubricants & Enhancers: I was wrong. This was the first item I received for free from my former manager. We used to make and sell our own store brand lubricant, but had to stop due to cost, but when I first started, I received a goody bag with our brand along with many others to learn about lubes first hand. Since the owner of the store didn't like to give us free items (although I explained that the best way for our employees to help our customers was to have experience with most, if not all, our products), I would go directly through the distributors, who were more than happy to send us samples. I already mentioned which lubes are good on Toy Tuesday, but I would definitely recommend Wet and Aloe Cadabra for lubes, and G for clit stimulators. On, not so much. I'm pretty sure at this point, my employees and I have lube for daaaaysss.
5. Toys (for me): Another kind of product distributors were kind enough to send us, were toys! I've received handcuffs, furry restrains, paddles, internal vibrators, and clit stimulators, thanks to these companies being awesome! So thank you to Doc Johnson, Pipedream, and Screaming O for all the goodies!
6. Toys (for friends): But hey, I don't keep all the fun to myself! Sharing is caring after all. When the store got several sample toys from Tantus, I could not wait to share the wealth. One of my friends had just started dating her current girlfriend and they were in the market for a good harness and toy, so I gave them one of T's top of the line strap ons. Another friend never had a vibrator before...she has one now. After I became manager, I made sure to pass the tradition forward and gave my workers as many free goodies as I could.

I'm sorry if this post came off as bragging, it was not my intention. I'm just looking back and appreciating the opportunities and gifts I was given by some awesome companies. As I said before, we all get some sort of perk from our jobs, and I thought this would be a good insight into what you could expect if you got into the sex shop industry.

I'd love to hear what some of your favorite benefits from your work are, so leave me a comment.

See you tomorrow!

Motivation

Hi guys! I'm back! I'm sorry I went MIA yet again. After I got fired, I was pretty upset about it and lost the motivation to write anymore. That is, until I got this wonderful comment from a reader:

"THANK YOU!

As a fellow employee of an adult store, I cannot express how grateful I am to know that other people witness this ridiculous behavior in gargantuan amounts. So aggravating, and yes it's almost ALWAYS from men. Not bashing them, by any means, but there are times that I wonder if the filter in their head turns off when they come through the door... Or, and let's hope not, if they're like this all the time.

Considering I work with all females, I have been asked several times if we use/test products on each other in the back room (our break-room and bathroom). I always get a little more irritated towards this question than any other. Maybe it's because I've been asked multiple times equally from men and women.

No, we do not have huge lesbian orgies when you're not here.

No, we don't go to the back and rub one out on break.

No, I will not model the lingerie you're going to buy for your lady. (We got asked that one a lot too)

Yes, there's a chance I will ask you to leave if you cannot control your boner. Coming in with loose sweatpants with (very obviously) no underwear on? Yes you're practically begging to be thrown out of the store. And we will make fun of you.

Yes, I maintain a professional status at work. I would love to help you find something that you will be pleased with. That's why I'm here.

No, I will not have sex with you. And no, that is not part of my job.

If you're trying to find a new toy similar to an old one that broke, please don't bring the old one with you. IT HAS BEEN USED, SO DON'T ASK ME TO TOUCH IT. That brings up a whole different set of experiences.

Yes, I wear a uniform. Yes, I am proud of where I work. No, I am not ashamed to wear my uniform when I have to make a quick grocery run before heading in for a shift. Please stop looking at me like I'm promiscuous.

Thank you, as all of these are so very true. Yet shouldn't be.

"So maybe next time you talk to us, you'll connect your tongue to your brain and realize that we're not sluts or easy; we're just having fun working at a sex shop."

Wonderful

Many thanks,

Morigan"

Thank you so much for your comment, Morigan. This was in regards to a post I wrote back in January about sex shop worker myths. I loved, love writing the blog but I think my motivation was lost after my experiences with work. But why let a douchebag boss prevent me from entertaining you guys with more stories and advice?

I still have a few more to go, so again, I will start writing once more. Looking forward to penning about ridiculous customers. Aaand Fetish Friday is only two days away! Yay! :D

Love you guys :)