Toy Tuesday: Harness

Hi guys! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've written. Sorry about that! Let's get right onto Toy Tuesday, shall we?

The folks at Pipedream Products were nice enough to send me one of their Fantasy Harnesses, so here goes. (This review will stick to position facilitators and restraints; it will not include strap on harnesses)

Today's Toy: Bondage Harnesses

Harnesses are a kind of restraint made for BDSM play, typically consisting of straps, ties, and/or adjustable cuffs. There are several variations of harnesses, such as swings, slings, or straps.

And don't worry lovers, these products can be used for men and women, and come in many different styles, to fulfill your every kinky need:

• Doggie Style Strap: A simple strap with, normally, a thicker center band and handles on each side for an easier grip. (Seriously, though? C'mon ladies, how hard is it to hold that ass up in the air?) My suggestion for its best use is while standing in the downward dog position.

• Sex Sling/Position Facilitator: Similar to the doggie-style strap, the sex sling is made to facilitate sexual positions. It has a simple design, consisting of ankle restraints and a simple band connecting the two.

• Standard Bondage Restraints: Standard bondage restraints serve a similar purpose as sex slings, but have a more complex design with added wrist cuffs and adjustable straps. These tend to be a little more difficult to use than the previous two models.

• Sex Swing: Remember how much fun it was to go to the playground when you were a kid and swing on the swing-set? This is the same thing, but better. It is set up exactly the same way as a standard swing with added stir-ups or handle bars so you don't fall off. Some swings come with additional straps to restrain further. Other variations are swings that hang from the ceiling, a stand, or from your doorway, as seen below.

When it comes to harnesses, take the same precautions you would with any other kind of restraints: Make sure to leave enough space for two fingers to go through the restraint, trust the person you are using these items with, and if you ever feel any numbness, remove the straps immediately.

Best thing about this equipment? You don't have to worry about their care. Just take down and store.

Difficulty to use:

Depending on the kind of harness being used, the difficulty can range greatly. Slings and doggie style straps are the easiest to use. As for harnesses with more straps and restraints, these can get pretty complicated.

Versatility: 

Although they pretty much do the same thing, there are a few variations on what kind of harness you can buy.

My Rating:

This rating will be for Pipedream's Fantasy Fetish Harness.

The product itself is very well made. The straps are very resilient, and the collar and cuffs are very comfortable. They have velcro adjustable straps, facilitating the tightness of the fit, as well as faux fur lining.  I also love the multiple rings for adjusting the positioning of restraints. Despite my favor towards the product, here's why I only gave it three and half lips as a rating:

The harness was easy enough to put on, but my boyfriend and I decided to get creative with it and added ankle cuffs to the mix...Don't do this. We attempted to try out a "hog tying" position. Not only was it awkward to fuck in, my legs went numb after a few minutes. He tried to flip me over so maybe we could try it doggy-style, but again, it was not happening. Overall, it was kind of a disaster.

I liked the harness itself, but the overall experience (or I should say, inexperience) knocked it down a rating and a half.

Boyfriend's Rating: 

On the other hand, he absolutely loved it.

For more updates on Pipedream's toys, visit their blog, Facebook page, and Twitter.

Toy Tuesday: Clitoral Vibrators

Hi guys! A few months ago, I wrote a Toy Tuesday review about G-spot vibrators and their general care and maintenance. However, some ladies, myself included, prefer external to internal stimulation. So, here you go.

Today's Toy: Clitoral Vibrators

Clitoral vibrators are vibrating toys meant for external use. They are meant to massage the clit and surrounding areas, not for penetration. Because of their size and use, these toys will sometimes have a more discreet design than the internal vibrator. Some designs include lipstick, rubber duckies, cell phones, nail polish, and shotgun bullets.

Made with women in mind, some clit stimulators lend themselves to both sexes, since they are small and easy to use. When looking for the right vibrator, there are two main types, manual and hands-free. Within those types, here are some of the most popular styles:

• Bullet: Possibly the most popular type of clit vibrator, the bullet is a small, hand-held toy. Its simple design, versatility and easy use makes it a top seller. You can choose to use the bullet by itself or use with attachments such as panties, hollowed out strap ons, or cock rings. The basic bullet has three control options: wireless remote controlled, remote controlled, and button controlled (seen below). Speed and pulse options vary from toy to toy, some ranging from 3 speeds to 6 or more, plus varying pulses. Pipedream's Le Reve line has great bullets, as well as the famed Silver Bullet.

• Pocket Rocket: This is the name of am extremely popular vibe sold at stores. Pocket rocket is just a brand name, but it'll get the job done; if you ask for a Mini-Mite, it's the same thing. This is the easiest toy to change batteries; it takes one AA battery and switches on and off with a twist. The downside is it only has one speed, but the upside is that it normally comes with exchangeable heads for different sensations.

• Butterfly Harness: The butterfly harness is a hands-free model that a woman wears around her waist and hips. The vibrating part consists of a bullet tucked into a jelly or silicone sleeve in the shape of a butterfly, flower, or other small animal, and the straps are adjustable. This model allows you to move around during sex without having to worry about adjusting the toy. I always say it's the female version of the cock ring.

• Vibrating Panties: Essentially a bullet hidden in underwear, vibrating panties are the perfect idea for couples who want to be discreetly naughty in public. Older models with contain bullets that have a control box attached, while newer, more popular models have wireless remotes. The panties themselves have a small pocket in the center to hold the vibrator. A fun model I would suggest trying out is Ohmibod's Club Vibe vibrating panties. They have three settings: Ambiance (when in a club, it will pick up the sounds of the speakers and vibrate to the beat of the music), Ipod (as long as it's instrumental, it will also go to the beat of the music), and Regular vibrator (works just like a normal bullet). Sorry this is coming right after EDC, I'm pretty sure I heard 10,000 raver chicks cream themselves. Don't worry, there will be plenty of other raves for you to slut it up at.

• Magic Wands: This manual vibrator is much larger than the other options on this list and one of the only ones that plugs into the wall. Very similar to a regular back massager, they are often marketed in mainstream retail stores as such. Because they are electrically wall powered, they produce a much more powerful vibration than its battery powered counterparts. Massagers will also sell attachments separately made of silicone or rubber to allow penetration. Two popular models are the Hitachi and Wanachi.

• Finger Vibes: If you prefer a more hands on approach for diddling your skittle, maybe you'll appreciate this toy. Finger vibes are bullet shaped vibes encased in rubber, plastic or silicone sleeves, regularly covered in ridges or bumps, that encircle the finger with an elastic or fitted band. Kind of like a cock ring for your digits. Easy to use and varying in speeds and pulses.

• Vibrating Cock Rings: A type of cock ring that has one or two bullets on either side of an elastic band. Worn over a penis shaft.

When using a clitoral stimulator, it's all about warming up. Start with other erogenous zones normally overlooked, like your nipples, inner thighs or happy trail. Work your way towards the clitoris; if you head directly towards it, the vibrations may be uncomfortable or too intense, and will make it more difficult to get off. Alternate between speeds and vibrations until you hit a pattern you like. If you are trying to use it on your man, I suggest trying it on their scrotum or taint. They might be uncomfortable with it at first, but once they get over the initial taboo of it, they'll love it.

Do not try to insert the toy inside your vagina. These toys are meant for external use only. External walls are ok, but once you start to go inside, the toy could get stuck. You can of course finger it out, but that'll definitely kill the mood.

For specific care instructions, refer to the care post mentioned above. For the most part, external vibrators are easy to take care of. Make sure to wash after every use with warm water and non-scented, anti-bacterial soap, take batteries out to prevent leakage, and store in a dark, cool place. Done.

Difficulty to use:

It's all about knowing your body. Clitoral vibrators are very simple to use, and their is enough variety in models to choose the one that you prefer using the most.

Versatility:

As seen above, there are plenty of styles and models to choose from. Hands free or manual, small or large, some even offer internal attachments; there is a vibe out there for everyone. The fun part is figuring out which one you like best.

My Rating:

Let's just say, I've never had a bad experience with my clit vibrators.

Boyfriend's Rating:

He loved the vibrating cock ring, saying it felt "Aaaamazing"

Phone Calls3

Back in January I posted about several strange phone calls I got while working at the shop, as well as stories about  Jack off Jason, Erotic Eric, and the Beat off Bandits. For some reason, people love to get freaky on the phone so here are a few more weird phone calls:

• An older man called once asking about our lingerie selection for his wife. He asked if she could come in to try outfits, and wanted to know if he could go into the changing room with her. When I told him he could not, he repeatedly made a point to make sure I understood that she was an exhibitionist and wouldn't mind walking around the store in lingerie. Again, I told him that was not allowed, to no avail. He kept up the exhibitionist excuse and saying she didn't mind doing it. Finally, I just had to let him go.
• One of the funnier calls, and my favorites, were people mistaking our business for something else. Because the store's name, I can't tell you the amount of people calling in to make doctor appointments, or asking for medical attention. One such "customer" called in believing we were a video rental place, and asked for a copy of Die Hard. Once my co-worker and I came back from the 8th grade, we explained why we were laughing. Embarrassed at first, he did get the comedy in ordering Die Hard at a sex shop.
• A very colorful black woman, who I thought was a gay man at first, called asking for a bukkake machine for herself and her husband. The conversation started with, "Who this is? Where you at?" When I asked if she knew what bukkake was she said, "No, but my husband's Japanese and it sounds like something he'll like"....-____- I tried to sell her a Tenga egg instead, but got this response, "What a man need to put a egg on his dick for?" Finally, she decided maybe she should research items before calling in and hug up.
• As I mentioned with Erotic Eric, he liked to hear how big his dick was. Pretty standard stuff, all men like to hear that, or so I thought. An older gentleman called asking what he could do to make his "Two and half inch penis" larger. I suggested a penis pump or enlargement pills, but he did not get it. He continued to point out how small his penis was and asked what an average size was. "6 inches". Again, "Well, mine's only 2.5. Is that small?" Then, he mentioned how horny he was and asked if I suggested doing anything about it. I told him to masturbate and get it over with, because no woman is going to want to have sex with a whole 2.5 inches. After a few more "What do you suggest for my tiny penis?", I realized that he probably took my advice and started masturbating so I quickly said bye and hung up. I do not get paid enough for that shit.
• Finally, I got a call that ended up going in the complete opposite direction. It started off with a shy younger guy calling to get some information. He was so timid, it took a while for him to finally get to his point. Apparently, he made movies and needed to know who he could get in contact with in San Diego. He also asked if we had "the hook up" and what pills could he take to "blow a bigger load". I told him I didn't have the answer to any of those questions, so when he called back, I let the owner deal with that.

I'll never know if he was able to make his load bigger :(

Fetish Friday: Somnophilia

Oh hey guys! Missed Fetish Fridays? Me too. So let's get right to it, shall we?

Today's Fetish: Somnophilia

Somnophilia is the paraphilia involving sleep. People with this fetish can achieve arousal, and eventually orgasm, through caressing, fondling, penetrating, or just overall intruding on an unsuspecting, sleeping partner. From what I found, the characteristics that classify "somnophilia" vary a bit from site to site. Some categorize sleeping partners as the sole object of their desires, while other reports include unconscious victims (leading to the use of roofies) as their turn on.

Some have thought somnophilia and necrophilia may root from the same desire, but blogger and psychologist, Dr. Mark Griffith, has this to say about it:

"However, they ultimately concluded that although somnophilia appears to have some characteristics in common with necrophilia, the two syndromes do not necessarily reflect the same underlying pathology. Using Freudian theory, Calef and Weinshel speculated that underlying somnophilia was the desire to return to the maternal womb, and that somnophiliacs had unresolved Oedipal complex issues, fixations on pre-genital stages of psychosexual development, and castration anxiety. However, as with almost all psychoanalytic theory, it is hard to design any research to either confirm or deny such speculations."

Apparently, this is a pretty common fetish, whether people like to admit it or not, especially among men. There are several medical forums where those with the fetish, or the target of, elaborate on these experiences. However, if you are a "reversed somnophile", no luck there.

As for mainstream media, there are a few examples of somnophilia:

• #1, and the most obvious, Perrault's Sleeping Beauty, and all its adaptations. If you spend any time on the internet, you may know by now that the princess wasn't woken by a kiss, as Disney would have us believe. After being raped multiple times by the prince, she had two children, and one of them came to her rescue. Hey, silver lining right?
• The House of Sleeping Beauties: This 1961 novel is about a man who visits an establishment where men pay to rest next to young, beautiful women, who happen to be asleep. It was adapted as a play in 1983, and then into a German film.
• Sleeping Beauty (2011): (I'm beginning to see a theme here) This artsy film is about a young college student who, like all of us, is looking for ways to make money. She ends up working for an escort service as a companion. Her job entails drinking a tea that renders her unconscious, so men may come in and do what they will while she sleeps. It's pretty good. Fucked up, but still pretty good.

As for other outlets for your sleepy desires, there are Facebook pages, comic books, porn sites and fan fiction (Glee) after fan fiction for you kinksters. Btw, I didn't even realize that last one was a Supernatural fan fiction until the end. Sooo, if you're fans of the show...you're welcome. Finally, if you are unsure if you are a somnophile,  have no fear, OKCupid has made it simple for you with their somnophilia test. I am not a somnophile. Thanks, OKCupid, for clearing that up.

So for all you sleep-enthusiasts, never fear! There are plenty of places to get off to. As long as you're not drugging anyone against their will, let your freak flag fly! I'm sure there's someone out there just for you who is waiting to be molested while they dream about not being finger fucked in their sleep. Have fun, and grope away, just remind me to never invite you to a sleepover. Now, go get your kink on!

For more info on Dr. Mark, visit his site. He writes some pretty interesting information on fetishes as well (although none as fun as mine :D)

And, fuck it, why not? Here's a gratuitous shot of Sleeping Beauty for the road

Toy Tuesday: Paddles and Whips

Hi Guys! So glad to be back doing another Toy Tuesday. I'm a little rusty, so bear with me. I thought I'd get back into the swing of things with one of my absolute favorite toys. Strap in; this is a fun one, and one that too many people get confused with.

Today's Toy: Toys for spanking! (Paddles and Whips)

Spanking, or erotic spanking, is the act of striking someone's backside, including their ass or upper thighs, for sexual gratification. Regularly used in BDSM or ageplay, erotic spanking goes back to the Etruscan civilization. The earliest recordings of this act date back to 5th century B.C., fresco-ed in the Tomb of Whipping, located in Central Italy. Apparently, Etruscans were known for being freaky. They used tools ranging from floggers and canes, and paved the way for some of the same toys we use today.

You can be as creative as you want when it comes to which implements you use. Some people use everyday items like rulers, hair brushes, belts, feather dusters, rug beaters, shoes, or their hand, but I'm going to highlight the main types you can purchase at a sex shop.

• Paddles: A paddle is made of two parts, the blade and handle. It's regularly small enough to be held with one hand, but some models (for more extreme spankers) are large enough that two hands are needed. Blades are normally 3-4 inches wide and can range from 6 inches to 3 ft long. Paddles can be made from silicone, plastic, wood, rubber, or leather, and some have additional trimmings/linings such as studs, fur, or satin. Shapes can be novelty, rectangular, square, or round (like a ping pong paddle).

• Standard Whip: Don't act like you don't know what it looks like; we've all seen Indiana Jones.

• Crop: Short and lash-less, this whip is used in the mainstream as a horse riding crop. Size does not vary much (ranging around 30 inches), but materials include, fiberglass/plastic shafts and a leather, plastic or vinyl head. Most crops, though similar in style, have a few differences to make them fun. Fur, braided handles, and novelty shapes are just some of the alterations you can find.

• Cat o' nine tails: A gnarlier version of the standard whip, is the Cat o' nine tails. I recommend this one if you have a higher threshold for pain. Made from leather, plastic, vinyl, or rope, don't let this whip's name fool you; nine does not stand for the amount of straps it contains. Though some models have only a few straps, others are pretty abundant. Either way, it's going to hurt. Cat o' nine designs include barbed wired, braided, knotted (as seen below), or studded.

• Cane: Elongated and flexible, bamboo's the only way to go. Many specialty canes will come with a handle for easier use.

• Birch Rod: A cross between a cane and a cat o' nine, the birch rod is a bundle of leafless twigs fastened together for easier use. Despite the name, these bundles do not have to be limited to birch branches; they can be made from any strong and smooth wood such as hazel or willow.

For tips on how to spank properly, Good Vibrations has got it covered. Remember: half the fun of spaking is the anticipation, so build it up. When it comes to using a dual sided paddle (fur or satin on one side, wood or hard plastic on the other), make sure to take advantage of both sides. For the best results, smack with the harder side first, then softly stroke the area once red with the softer material. It feels aaaamazing.

Similar to any other pain/pleasure related activity, make sure you discuss both parties tolerance beforehand. Ignoring or not knowing these levels can turn some fun foreplay into a scary or bad situation quickly.

And finally, one of the top reasons spanking implements are so great to use is their care and maintenance. No cleaning necessary, just use and then store or hang up anywhere. If you don't mind letting your freak flag fly, just hang them over the bed or somewhere where access is easier.

Difficulty to use:

As long as you know how hard your partner likes to receive it, it's pretty much baby town frolics. Spank away.

Versatility:

You are pretty much getting the same exact result no matter what toy you use, but there are plenty or styles and sizes to choose from.

My Rating:

What can I say? I love spanking. Paddles and crops are my favorite, and if I could, I'd go all Christian Grey and line them up in my Red Room of Pain. No shame in my game.

Boyfriend's Rating:

He has no words.

Perks

Happy Thursday, everyone :) Working at a sex shop for over a year was so much fun, with plenty of ups and downs, and along the way, I enjoyed quite a few perks. In the 5 1/2 years I've lived in San Diego, I've had a variety of jobs where I either got free food, retail discounts, puppy playtime, or free gym memberships, but (after free food) I'm pretty sure this shop had the best perks. Besides having a blast at work, here are some of my favorite benefits:

1. Discounts: Ok, obviously everyone knows that the best thing about working somewhere is the employee discount. We all work (relatively) hard, so it's nice to be able to buy the products we sell for cheap. Everyone loves a sale, right? I just really liked getting discounts on stuff like sex coupons and edible body paints ;)
2. Lingerie: Yes! Lingerie! What girl doesn't love playing dress up or buying sexy outfits for them-self or their other half? The first free item I was given was from my former manager; a red and pink Valentine's Day mini-skirt and bra set. I was helping her change out our window displays, and because we no longer sold some of the styles we took down, she gave me three different outfits that day. Later, when I became manager, I was in charge of receiving any new products and choosing what we would or would not sell, especially when it came to clothing. I had one distributor who was going out of business and was trying to get rid of several leather bustiers and thongs. I was actively working as a burlesque artist at the time, so I took them home because we wouldn't sell them. They were pretty out of date, but in good shape, so ended up saving a bit of money on costumes. And btw, this has to be one of my favorite perks. There aren't enough days in the week for me to wear all the outfits I want to. You name it, I have it: geisha, baseball theme (Go Padres!), referee, cops, nurses, pirate, storybook, student, secretary, frilly, dominatrix, slutty, demure, etc. Not to mention all the stockings and tights. Raver girls, be jealous.
3. Make new connections: Since I was also in charge of PR and advertising, I had the pleasure of meeting a lot of cool people, including models, clothing companies, magazine editors, and venue promoters (which is awesome because I am a fashion designer and will most likely use these connections in the future). Some fun items I was hooked up with was a free bathing suit from a local designer, as well as free food from local restaurants.
4. Lubricants & Enhancers: I was wrong. This was the first item I received for free from my former manager. We used to make and sell our own store brand lubricant, but had to stop due to cost, but when I first started, I received a goody bag with our brand along with many others to learn about lubes first hand. Since the owner of the store didn't like to give us free items (although I explained that the best way for our employees to help our customers was to have experience with most, if not all, our products), I would go directly through the distributors, who were more than happy to send us samples. I already mentioned which lubes are good on Toy Tuesday, but I would definitely recommend Wet and Aloe Cadabra for lubes, and G for clit stimulators. On, not so much. I'm pretty sure at this point, my employees and I have lube for daaaaysss.
5. Toys (for me): Another kind of product distributors were kind enough to send us, were toys! I've received handcuffs, furry restrains, paddles, internal vibrators, and clit stimulators, thanks to these companies being awesome! So thank you to Doc Johnson, Pipedream, and Screaming O for all the goodies!
6. Toys (for friends): But hey, I don't keep all the fun to myself! Sharing is caring after all. When the store got several sample toys from Tantus, I could not wait to share the wealth. One of my friends had just started dating her current girlfriend and they were in the market for a good harness and toy, so I gave them one of T's top of the line strap ons. Another friend never had a vibrator before...she has one now. After I became manager, I made sure to pass the tradition forward and gave my workers as many free goodies as I could.

I'm sorry if this post came off as bragging, it was not my intention. I'm just looking back and appreciating the opportunities and gifts I was given by some awesome companies. As I said before, we all get some sort of perk from our jobs, and I thought this would be a good insight into what you could expect if you got into the sex shop industry.

I'd love to hear what some of your favorite benefits from your work are, so leave me a comment.

See you tomorrow!

Motivation

Hi guys! I'm back! I'm sorry I went MIA yet again. After I got fired, I was pretty upset about it and lost the motivation to write anymore. That is, until I got this wonderful comment from a reader:

"THANK YOU!

As a fellow employee of an adult store, I cannot express how grateful I am to know that other people witness this ridiculous behavior in gargantuan amounts. So aggravating, and yes it's almost ALWAYS from men. Not bashing them, by any means, but there are times that I wonder if the filter in their head turns off when they come through the door... Or, and let's hope not, if they're like this all the time.

Considering I work with all females, I have been asked several times if we use/test products on each other in the back room (our break-room and bathroom). I always get a little more irritated towards this question than any other. Maybe it's because I've been asked multiple times equally from men and women.

No, we do not have huge lesbian orgies when you're not here.

No, we don't go to the back and rub one out on break.

No, I will not model the lingerie you're going to buy for your lady. (We got asked that one a lot too)

Yes, there's a chance I will ask you to leave if you cannot control your boner. Coming in with loose sweatpants with (very obviously) no underwear on? Yes you're practically begging to be thrown out of the store. And we will make fun of you.

Yes, I maintain a professional status at work. I would love to help you find something that you will be pleased with. That's why I'm here.

No, I will not have sex with you. And no, that is not part of my job.

If you're trying to find a new toy similar to an old one that broke, please don't bring the old one with you. IT HAS BEEN USED, SO DON'T ASK ME TO TOUCH IT. That brings up a whole different set of experiences.

Yes, I wear a uniform. Yes, I am proud of where I work. No, I am not ashamed to wear my uniform when I have to make a quick grocery run before heading in for a shift. Please stop looking at me like I'm promiscuous.

Thank you, as all of these are so very true. Yet shouldn't be.

"So maybe next time you talk to us, you'll connect your tongue to your brain and realize that we're not sluts or easy; we're just having fun working at a sex shop."

Wonderful

Many thanks,

Morigan"

Thank you so much for your comment, Morigan. This was in regards to a post I wrote back in January about sex shop worker myths. I loved, love writing the blog but I think my motivation was lost after my experiences with work. But why let a douchebag boss prevent me from entertaining you guys with more stories and advice?

I still have a few more to go, so again, I will start writing once more. Looking forward to penning about ridiculous customers. Aaand Fetish Friday is only two days away! Yay! :D

Love you guys :)

Inexperienced Customers

Hello, everyone! It's Monday once more, which means we have to wait 4 more days for Memorial Day weekend. Does anyone have any fun plans?

I can't believe it's been over a year now that I've worked here. I remember when I first started I had never used a toy before. Honestly, I was a little intimidated to use them, but look at how much you can change and learn in a year. I like working at a sex shop because I can use my knowledge to help out other people who are too embarrassed to ask about certain things. I enjoy removing any taboos surrounding sex and helping people realize that it's ok to like what they like. I've been fortunate to become someone that my friends feel comfortable to come with questions, but it's also wonderful to aid wary stranger who come into the shop. So, here are some of my favorite customers I've been able to help out:

• I was working here for about a month and a half when I finally met some customers who were less experienced than I was. Three girls about 18-19 years old came in looking for their very first vibrators. They knew absolutely nothing and needed some major help. Luckily, at this point I had read up on vibrators, so I had plenty of knowledge. I went through and explained every different type of toy we had, how to use them, what lube to use, how to clean and maintain them, what it would feel like, and how to avoid allergic reactions. Overall, I think I spent 30-45 minutes making sure they found just what they needed. They left pretty happy, but I'm not sure if it was because of the service or because they were about to get off to a pink vibrating dong.
• A couple months later, I was able to help another virgin customer, this time a guy. Being over 18 and never having had sex made him tired of waiting around. He wanted a pussy, and he wanted it now. Seeing as I don't sell escorts, I offered him the next best thing, a pocket pussy. When I showed him our selection, I thought the poor kid's head was going to explode from all the options: Cyber Snatch, Milf Stroke-her, Cumfy Clam, Tuna Taco, Bumpy Bitch, Lasagna Lips, Tender Twat, Tunnel of Love, Virgin Snatch, or Flip a Sista Over. Once he decided on the Virgin Snatch (looking for a kindred spirit genital, perhaps?), I taught him all the proper tips for care and use. It may sound twisted, but I thought it was adorable that he knew nothing about masturbators.
• This next customer was not a virgin, but just as inexperienced when it came to toys. He and his wife had just had a baby, and were lacking intimacy because of their schedules. He came in looking for something that would spice up the bedroom and potentially bring rekindle their marriage. He was too embarrassed to talk to his wife beforehand, but thought that bringing a toy home would open their communication. After hearing his situation, I gladly helped this new dad find what many men are either too ignorant/macho/scared to ask for: anal toys. This was another shopping session that I spent about 30-45 minutes explaining different toys, their cares and uses. He was lovely and though very shy at first, eventually able to speak freely about what he wanted, unabashed. After I helped him choose the right toy, I wished him and his wife the best. A month later, he came in again, looking for more toys, and said that they were able to talk things out and were open to try out more things together. One of my favorite customers for sure.
• Finally, this last customer was pretty recent. Virgin customers are pretty few and far between, but when they come in, they are always fun to help out. This girl was a shy, over-weight, gamer girl who was not lucky in the relationship department. She preferred to look around without any help, so I let her do her thing. When she came up to the register, she bought a small, candy-themed vibrator, all the while cracking little jokes and being quite funny about her situation. "Of course the fat girl would choose a chocolate vibrator". The meeting wasn't super memorable, but I enjoyed her sense of humor and liked her enough to put her on this list.

As much as I love helping out my customers, hopefully I've been able to help or teach you guys a few things too. I started this blog with the intention to vent and tell NSF(your)W stories, but I'll be happy if you've learned a few things along the way.

See you tomorrow for Toy Tuesday!

Fetish Friday: Dacryphilia

This past month has been pretty emotionally exhausting, with a lot of tears shed along the way. Thankfully, there's change coming around the corner, and although I struggle with change sometimes, it always brings good things. Today's fetish will be for those who get off to misery, or rather what accompanies misery.

Today's Fetish: Dacryphilia

Dacryphilia is the sexual attraction toward tears and the strong emotions that elicits these tears, such as anger, fear, sadness, or despair.

From what I could find, there are three ways dacryphiles get off:

1. Sadistic dacryphiles: Mainly found in the BDSM community, these doms enjoy provoking their submissives to tears. They use pain, restrictions, servitude and/or humiliation to evoke these strong emotions.
2. Voyeuristic dacryphiles: Voyeur dacryphiles are more passive as they do not enjoy being the ones to make their subjects cry. They will sometimes join in on dom/sub sessions to enjoy criers.
3. Criers: These last dacryphiles do not derive pleasure from seeing others cry; they are aroused by the act of crying themselves. They see crying as cathartic, liberating, and ultimately, erotic.

But dacryphiles aren't all sadistic, many fetishists are aroused by a sense of need. According to Dr. Mark Griffiths' blog, a dacryphile had this to say about it:

"I definitely have dacryphilia. I get extremely turned on physically and emotionally by crying women. When I see a woman crying, I want to hold and soothe her, make her feel safe and comforted. For that reason I tend to date needy women. I enjoy their vulnerability because of sympathy, not sadism. I also enjoy making them feel better."

As you can see, not all dacryphiles are jerks, just look at Cry Baby. Johnny Depp and his girlfriend were dacryphiles, and nothing that Johnny Depp does could be that horrible, now could it? So go home, pop in The Notebook, listen to some Barcelona, and get freaky. Now, go get your kink on!

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Awkward comments

Hi guys! So I finally have internet installed at my house, so I can blog from the comfort of my home :)

I was looking through, and I noticed that I haven't done a "list" post in a while. So here are 5 awkward, or weird, things customers have said (or not said) while in the shop:

1. After I told a customer we don't lend out our bathroom to customers, he gave me his interpretation of our reasoning: "That makes sense. I bet people jack off in the bathroom if you let them use it".
2. An exchange between myself and a customer accompanied by his girlfriend: "Can I help you find anything?" "Nah, I just want to show her the Japanese vagina". He then sprinted to the back and emerged defeated. Unfortunately, we were all out of "Japanese vaginas".
3. This one isn't so much about what they say, as it is what they don't: "Did you find everything ok?" ".............yup...". This one is popular among DVD and vibrator shoppers, mostly.
4. After my boss took home some erection pills to try out, he texted me this: "Holy Hell!! Let's just say those stiff night pills WORK!!!!!"
5. And to round things out, here's another bathroom quote by a very nervous Mexican: "Do you have a bathroom? I have to take a shit."

See that? We came full circle. And he didn't need to jack off.

Off the clock

Oh, my sweet Jesus. I just received a wrong number who mistook me for his friend, Terry. When I asked who it was, he said, "It's your foot massager". When I corrected his mistake, he asked if I had nice feet, and if  my boyfriend massaged them, because he wanted to. I tried to fend him off with various comments, but I think everything I said intrigued him all that much more. Finally, I just had to thank him for his time and hang up.
How do these people find me? I don't even have to be on the clock for them to find me. According to Ariana, "That's what [I] get for being a vixen." Too bad, he had a cute voice.

Ridiculous.

Weirdos

Hello, everyone! Another week, another paycheck. As you may or may not have realized by now, I normally don't work weekends, but since summer hours are changing, so are mine. I now work Sunday opening shifts; but don't worry, I'll keep posting every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Anyway, I opened yesterday and since I haven't worked a weekend day in a long time, I forgot how the real weirdos reserve their Sunday's for their weekly sexpeditions. I had the pleasure of encountering four of these creatures back to back.

1. To start my morning off, I had some guy in his late 30s come in and head straight for the DVD room. He spent, no joke, an entire hour voraciously looking through our porn collection; picking up movies, reading the plot summaries, putting boxes back, comparing prices, and contemplating actresses. I've haven't seen someone consider their options that much since Amanda Bynes decided between being crazy, or being crazy and haggard. Eventually, he made up his mind and finally emerged victorious with four DVDs. He came to the register with a pink jelly cyber snatch pocket pussy and movies including MILFs and hairy women. To top it off: After he paid for his goodies, he wished me a Happy Mother's Day and just walked out the door to jack it to some mommies of his own.
2. Shortly after, a dirty-ish looking youth came in looking for nothing specific, so I couldn't decide if he was homeless or not. I let him roam around the store for a bit and just followed his activity on our security cameras. The first thing he did was go straight to the lingerie section. As he sorted through everything, he giggled to himself and rocked out to Justin Timberlake's "Suit and Tie". Then, he proceeded to the bondage section to giggle and fondle boxes some more, followed by the shoe section. Here he took a little more interest, as he looked at sizes and styles, holding them up so he could examine them closely. Slowly, he made his way into the DVD room, where he really rocked out to J. Timberlake and "Teach me how to Dougie". He was moving around to the rhythm, bopping his head, and lingered on the bondage and teen sections. Sufficiently pleased with his trip to the sex shop, he casually walked out in his black t-shirt emblazoned with a bald eagle wearing an American flag shirt and straddling a motorcycle. 'Merica
3. A little later in the afternoon, a short, brown, foreign man in his 40s came in looking for a Mother's Day present. I totally believed he was gay, so I thought it was a bit creepy he was shopping here. It wasn't until I realized he was "straight" that I helped him look for presents for his wife. However, when I asked him what he was looking for, all he said was, "I don't know". I pressed a bit for details as to what direction he wanted to go or what she would be interested in and all I got was, "I don't know". I showed him our vibrators to see if maybe that would inspire them, but he just told me she already had all of them. All of them. Ok. So I suggested lingerie as a nice present for both of them, but when I asked what her size was and what kind of styles they liked, you guessed it, "I don't know". We tried bondage. "Here are some of our restraints. This package comes with a heart shaped pillow and paddle, restraints and a blindfold. Would your wife like this?" "I don't know...I don't know"....."Ok. What would like to see then?" "I don't know, you tell me". Ohmygod. I wanted to strangle him. I suggested a few other things but it was either no or he didn't know. Finally, I gave up and went back to the register so he could look through things. As he was leaving, I apologized for not being able to help him find anything. He responded with, "You should [be]". Fuck you mini-man!
4. Finally, to top my day off, a cowboy came in looking for underwear. He didn't specify for who it was, he just said he needed some underwear. He was pretty secretive about the details but said he was hanging out next door and needed it. Eventually, I got him to tell me if it was for a girl or guy, and after showing him prices, he told me what they were for...kind of. He just said he needed some comfortable underwear for a girl that worked next door who had forgotten to put her panties on. It didn't matter what they looked like as long as they were comfortable. I asked him if they were going to be seen and his response was, "Not yet". I showed him some cotton briefs with corny sayings on the back like "Hot as Fuck", "Spank me", and "Hot Ass". Despite the fact that the style didn't matter, it took him long enough to finally decide on "It's not going to lick itself". Classy.

Update: #2 just walked into the store again wearing the same exact shirt as yesterday, and a little coked out. I would like to correct my earlier mistake, the bald eagle was not wearing an American flag shirt; it was a leather jacket and an American flag helmet. My bad. Sorry.