Damn it's good to be back! How are you guys? I hope you missed me, because I sure missed you guys. What better way to get back into the swing of things than with Fetish Friday? So let's get to it shall we?
Today's Fetish: Dendrophilia
Some of you may have forgotten that today is Arbor Day. Dendrophiliacs definitely haven't.
Dendrophilia is the fetish involving trees. Yup...trees. The word dendrophilia literally translates to "Love of trees", and do these fetishists love their wood.
Sexual attributes associated to nature go far back to ancient civilizations. Greeks venerated dryads, tree nymphs, as gorgeous and desirable beings who copulated with Gods and spawned heroes. Statues, paintings, stories and myths have been used to express their beauty.
There is no explanation or studies that show how people develop this fetish, but there are plenty of sites to help you foster or cure your desire to fuck a bonsai. Apparently, preferences can vary between types of tree, bark, size, age, and the use, or lack of, sap; the sky's the limit for dendrophiliacs.
And as any major fetishist should know, the media loves to trickle these fantasies into the mainstream. So here are some examples of tree-fucking for your entertainment:
- Horror fans will remember Sam Raimi's 1981 cult classic, Evil Dead, and it's graphic tree-rape scene. If you haven't seen the original, you can go see Fede Alvarez's adaptation in theaters now, and I can assure you, this scene still makes me want to sew up my vagina.
- Another arbor-loving classic is, of course, Superstar! Who could ever forget Mary Katherine Gallagher's intense make-out scenes? At 10 years old, that movie changed the way I saw trees forever, and not in a good way.
- Playmate Jenny McCarthy admitted to once forcing herself on a tree while on ecstasy.
- And while we're on the subject of molesting trees, William Shaw, was arrested in 2010 for trying to show a national park's shrubbery his wood.
- Finally, there is no way you haven't seen the video of some girl high on something banging a tree into submission at a music festival. If you haven't, you're in for quite the treat. So what if you hooked up with some random dirty hippie at Coachella in the back of his grimy van? At least you weren't the chick that fought and fucked a trunk in front of dozens of people. And for that, we thank you, gentle Tree-Fucker.
As for random sites with info on dendrophilia, you already know there's a ton. I have found them for you, so you don't have to be the weirdo at work typing in "Tree porn" into your Google bar; although I'm sure you've done it at least once. Once again, you're welcome.
- Here are some images of sexy, sexy trees. (Just look at those branches! I bet her bark's fake anyway.)
- Show your support, by liking this Facebook page, because "Love should not be limited to human beings".
- Don't forget the tumblr pages!
- And what fetish is complete without some erotic literature? This is my favorite.
So thank you, dendrophiliacs, for making my arbor day that much more special. You take the phrase "tree-huggers" to a whole other level. Now, if you feel like maybe ramming an entire oak branch inside you is maybe too intense, here's a website that sells high-quality wooden toys. Don't say I don't treat you right. ;)
Now, go get your kink on!
Youtube won't let me embed the video, but here's a link to a study on dendrophilia
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