Swingers

So I just had a bizarre encounter of the kinky kind.

As usual, I was at the register minding my own business, thinking about what story to write about, when a man and woman walk in. First thing the guy says is, "Do I have to put my top on? I really don't want to". I said, screw it, we're so close to the beach it doesn't matter. The woman proceeded to walk around the store while the guy came straight up to me and asked if we carry Magnum condoms. I told him we didn't and he was very disappointed. He kept going on about how sad he was that we didn't carry them, and what an amazing problem having a huge penis was. When I offered 711 as a viable option, he told me he didn't want to buy from "the man".

Then, he switched gears and told me he was recovering from a surgery on his lower intestine, and said, "Can I show you something without you getting offended?". This is when I knew there was no going back. This was going to be an interesting couple. He pointed out his wife (up until that point, I thought he was gay), and then lamented that because his recovery time (9 months, and still 3 weeks to go) was so long he wasn't able to work out. Apparently, he's 49, and I'm not going to lie, he did look pretty good. With the mention of age, however, he did fish for compliments. "I look so bad now. I normally really get into shape....I'm so high right now".

Ok. This lead to a conversation that bounced between him knowing the owner of Cross Fit, being a Tae Kwan Do master, mentioning how sexy I am and how all his girlfriends have been "exotic like you". I asked why he decided to marry a white woman, and her response after he called her over was, "Because there is more to me than my looks". I'm sorry lady, it's not my fault your husband is trying to bang me over the register. Then he shooed her away so we could keep talking! Shooed! He wanted to know if I ever partied in the area, which as fate would have it, I am today. He asked with who, "boys or girls?", and before he could finish, "The reason I ask is...", a customer came in and interrupted his thoughts.

After she left, he brought up one of the penis pillows and told me he uses a pillow to cover his scar for fear of it exploding or bleeding to death, due to sneezing or coughing. Quite the turn on. "Sorry if I offend you. I'm really high". His wife finally decided to buy some Nag Champa incense and put in on the counter while he said "I'm disappointed there is nothing in the store I want...except you", and then kicked his wife out of the store so she could "wait for [him] outside".

While paying, he said he wanted to take me out sometime and buy me beer, then maybe educate me and possibly my friends because he is older. I rapidly mentioned my boyfriend, so he thanked me for being honest and told me to order some Magnum condoms for next time.

Oh Lord, please don't let there be a next time.