Lonely

Oh my fucking God. I just had possibly the loneliest customer ever come in; my head still hurts from it.

He was an older man, which I later learned was 55, coming in to exchange an old DVD without his receipt. I explained that I don't have the authority to do exchanges, but he decided to stay and browse anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

Cue to his checkout. I barely understood what he was saying because he softly and nervously mumbled under his breath the entire time. All I could do was awkwardly stand there and nod while I mentally strangled the Milton out of him.

I was told there would be free blowjobs

Once he was ready to purchase his "Cum Guzzlers 3", I asked to see his ID along with his credit card. Of course he left it in his car, and of course he had to get it while the store was busy. I patiently waited for him to get it, not knowing I was in for his life story. He came back with, not only his ID, but a box full of memorabilia.

Full

He proceeded to show me pictures of his illegitimate daughter, love letters, "famous" paintings he bought, his Lamborghini that he "only rides on the weekends", his junkyard dog, his grandparents, and random letters/postcards from the 1920's. He also divulged about his sister's inappropriate comments about incest in their family, how he had to literally swat the babes away when he was young (but he wasn't bragging), and how his doctor called him a rockstar for looking so good. I now know he was raised in the area and that his birthday was two days ago. This is everything I was able to understand in the hour that he was here.

Finally, I had to let the poor man know that my job description doesn't include free therapy and sent him sadly packing. He gathered his things and left quietly...oh wait, no he fucking didn't. He slowly made his way to the door while showing me more pictures. Once he made it to the exit (so close!), he came back to make sure he didn't forget anything.

Oh well, at least he didn't lose his shit about using condoms on dildos.