Ridiculous Conversations 2

Oh customers. You know how to make my days more enjoyable. Sure, most of my days consist of standing at the register, while porn blasts on the t.v., and waiting for someone to come in needing help other than hoping for a tug job in the back room, but every once in a while, I get a customer or two that make it all worth it. Last Tuesday was such a day.

I had a couple come in later in my shift, drunk as shit. They consisted of a short little Mexican girl and a tall white guy, blasted off their Taco Tuesday margaritas. They came in to buy a toy for their friend who had just broken off her engagement. Said friend had gone celibate during her 2 year relationship (after not fucking for that long, I would have broken it up too), so they were looking for a vibrator to bring her back to the world of orgasms. Along the way, they found a few things that caught their eyes for their own sex lives, including XR Brand's Sexflesh "Bothways Ben" and a stick of Hubba Bubba gum. This was their interaction:

"Babe, get me Hubba Bubba gum"

"What?"

"Hubba Bubba"

"Gum or a condom?"

"Gum!"

"Is it tingly gum?"

"No!"

As they're about to pay, he yells out:

"Hold on! I want some porn!"

Once he chooses his film, he comes back to pay for the goods and asks his girlfriend,

"Is that all you want?"

"Yeah, the gum"

"That's it?" signals towards the "Bothways Ben" toy "You don't want a friend?"

"No, you do"

"I don't take it in the butt. And neither do you"

"I don't take it up the butt!"

"That's literally what I just said. I don't take it up the butt, and neither do you. Neither of us do. Like that chick" Points to anal porn on the screen

"I want to be tied up"

"Well you're the one that started that biting thing!"

"You liked it, so shut up!"

This entire interaction happened while I just stood at the register waiting for them to make up their minds. In honor of their ridiculous conversation. Here are some more funny quotes I've heard at work:

• "What's your favorite toy?" "Our original Fleshlight is pretty popular" "Does it feel like a real pussy?" Sees gay porn on "You like guy on guy? I like to fuck guys in the ass every now and then. Mmm. This makes me want to go masturbate"
• "Bye ladies. I'd say girls, but your toys are probably bigger than mine"
• "We're classing it up. We went from a pile of dudes rolling around in elbow grease, to fucking Tiffany's. Moving on to high brow stuff" -My manager, referring to us watching gay gang bang fisting porn when I first got hired, to a clip about a couple fucking in a fur coat store while the salesperson masturbates with a stiletto. Real high class shit.
• "These are misrepresenting the black man. These black straws are mildly insulting, that's what I looked like out the womb" -Black man referring to our chocolate penis straws
• "Where's the freak section at? I'm about to put it on these two girls. Say I'm beating it up and I put that [Wanachi vibe] up her butt? I'm going to do some freaky shit tonight. I'm tryna tear something up. I'm going to tear it up regardless, but I'm a freak. Know what I mean? I'm not a lawyer, I'm a porn star without the contract" -Carl's Jr. employee
• "I have shit in there!" "I have beer in there!" -2 guys realizing their car was being towed
• "Is it weird for a group of guys to come in together?"

For more ridiculous quotes check out Part 1.