Phone Calls2

Hi everyone! Sorry about the hiatus yesterday! Today, I want to continue talking about weird phone calls I get at the shop. The perfect example presented itself yesterday. A guy called asking for a "Clone-A-Willy". He said his girlfriend was a "sweetheart", they had been with each other for a while and he was going to be deployed so wanted to get her something nice. Once I explained what the Clone-a-Willy was and how to use it, he proceeded to ask "how long does this take? It sounds difficult. I don't want anything too difficult. I don't have a G.E.D. so I'm not too smart". All I said was it comes with a plaster that he was to add water to then insert his erect penis into for a few minutes. I guess that was too complicated. Whatever. He hung up. 20 minutes later I get another phone call from a "woman" with a very high pitched voice, unnaturally so. This woman asked me if we sold any molds for vaginas because she and her boyfriend who was a "sweetheart" had been together for a while, but now she was about to be deployed for a while and wanted to leave him something. Sound familiar? I asked if this was the same guy who called earlier asking for the same thing and of course she shrieked and cried "What? Of course not!"

So here are two other weird calls:

• This one is actually not a specific call, but ones we receive almost daily. We constantly get asked if we have live models. The first time I got asked, I couldn't understand what they were looking for. I thought they meant live models for art classes, then I realized they meant sex phone operators or prostitutes. No, we don't have live models.
• I received this call on Monday. A woman with a thick, thick country accent called in asking about a lubricant we carry. It took me a couple minutes to understand what she was saying at all and had to ask her to repeat herself numerous times, but I eventually got what she needed. Apparently, she bought a lubricant and did not like the texture and wanted to know what we could do for her. After explaining to her we do not take refunds, I told her that she should call the company that makes the lube to inform them the product is not satisfactory. She said she didn't want to do that and she just wanted to work through us specifically, so I finally told her we would trade her lubricant for store credit. Well, after the frustration of trying to explain something to a customer who refused to listen and her thick accent, I learned that she didn't even buy the lubricant at our store and didn't even live in the state.

How these people find me, I have no idea.