Free Porn

Happy Monday! Hopefully, you don't have a bad case of the Mondays, but if you do, cheer up. Friday's only 4 days away.

I was sick over the weekend, so I was not looking forward to coming in to work today. Thankfully, when I arrived, my boss gave me a pretty simple job of, once again, sorting porn. To prevent theft, we used to keep empty DVD boxes in the DVD room, and the actual DVDs in the back. Today, my boss decided he no longer wanted the mess in the back storage so he told me to sort the movies into the correct boxes. This is what I had to work with.

That's a pretty big difference between DVDs and boxes, right? That's because many of the empty boxes were stolen. Why? Because you're not about to pay $5.00 for a video, when an empty DVD box is free, dammit! Moving images aren't necessary, when pictures will do just fine. Any pornographic image is enough to satisfy your cravings, right??

That'll do pig, that'll do

As a way to thank me for the effort put into sorting all the movies, my boss graciously said I could keep whatever was leftover. This is what I got:

I now own an obscene amount of pornography. It took two and a half large bags, double bagged, to carry them all. What the flying fuck am I going to do with so much porn?? It's too early for Halloween, so putting them in children's bags is out of the question, and no one checks their mail boxes anymore. Maybe I can start to hand them out for birthdays and house warming gifts; I could turn them into clocks. Coasters? A lamp shade? The possibilities are endless. Maybe I can find something on Pinterest or this website that'll help me figure it out. So until these things transform into Christmas ornaments or wind chimes, maybe I'll put them to good use. I already review toys and fetishes, so why not movies? Of course I can't review all these movies, I would never be able to have sex again after watching 3,4230,598 hours of donkey punching and cum shots, but I'll randomly pick some and let you know what I think. Until then, here are some of the movies that, sadly, didn't make the cut.

For all you hierophiliacs out there, perhaps?

Because one volume of tinkering with her stinker wasn't enough

It's all about how much semen these women can have in one gulp

(in case you didn't get that from the title)

With such catch phrases as:

"Me suckie suckie"

"Dark Meat Roll"

"Meat Filled Dumplin"

Not to be outdone by Black Thai Affair:

"Black slit, white dick"

"Spread my chocolate lips"

"Vanilla Creme"

and of course,

"Black Booty Bang"...Such alliteration

There are some serious literary geniuses over at Third Degree Films.